#this would be so much easier if i made a video huh

[mars-ipan]

sometimes it’s hard to remove myself from school and remember that i’ve always loved to learn

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Dramatic Ending Epilogue

Dramatic Ending Ch. 25 His Side Story

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

Tanzanite, with its god gone, did not change overnight.

People still revered Azel, and the markets were lined with commemorative coins and statues of him.

But to say that nothing had changed would also be untrue.

Before, every three steps you took in the city would lead you to a divination shop, but now their numbers had dwindled.

Instead, you could stumble upon bookstores, which had been impossible to find before, no matter how much you wandered around.

(Just as the letter said…)

(Tanzanite now presents a golden opportunity for booksellers to expand their market.)

*flashback*

Akatsuki: You want to do business in Tanzanite?

Emma: Yes. I thought that if we open a sales channel now, we might be able to establish a Tanzanite branch eventually.

Emma: Wouldn’t it be easier for the Owner, who travels to every country on the continent, to operate with several bases?

Akatsuki: …That makes sense.

Emma: Right? Actually, it seems Tanzanite is making a national effort to attract booksellers…

Emma: I think it’s a good opportunity to make a lot of money.

Akatsuki: Do you want to go?

Emma: If you’ll allow it.

Akatsuki: I’ll allow the business.

Emma: …!

Akatsuki: But, I won’t allow any unhealthy relationships before marriage.

Emma: Wh-What do you mean?

Akatsuki: Your objective is the dead god.

Akatsuki: He even sends you letters every time. How unsightly.

Emma: …Then, would you allow a healthy relationship?

Akatsuki: …

Akatsuki: If anything happens to you, I’ll kill that god.

*flashback over*

(I can’t tell the Owner about that night, not even if my mouth is torn apart.)

Just remembering it made me blush, and I shook my head as if to dispel those thoughts.

My objective today was market research –– to assess the demand and see what kind of books were needed. That was my job.

(Huh? There’s a crowd over there.)

(It doesn’t seem to be related to bookstores, but this is also part of market research.)

(I might be able to learn about the current trends in Tanzanite, so let’s go.)

I never imagined that my casual decision to join the crowd out of curiosity would ––

––lead to a tragedy later on.

-

Azel: …And?

Emma: …It was a soap shop.

Emma: They sell soap made by a famous perfumer, and it seems to have a reputation for smelling very good.

Emma: I thought I’d like to try it too… so I reached for it.

Azel: There must have been other selling points besides it smelling good.

Emma: ………… That it can captivate the person you’re interested in.

Azel: Sigh… Why do you fall for such obvious traps?

Emma: Because I wouldn’t think something like that would be sold openly in the city!

(This sense of déjà vu… I remember this.)

When I used the soap I bought at the market in the bath, my body started to feel strange by the time I got out.

The enchantingly pleasant scent gradually induced a feverish heat, making my skin unbearably sensitive.

The mere rubbing of my negligee against my skin made my stomach tingle strangely, and my heart pounded like a drum.

I felt like I could faint from shame at any moment.

Azel: Listen, Tanzanite is famous for its songs, dances, and harem.

Azel: It’s not uncommon for people from the harem to sell shady goods in the city to earn some extra money.

Emma: …I didn’t know that.

Azel: Think of “captivating the person you’re interested in” as a catchphrase for aphrodisiacs. It was a good lesson, wasn’t it?

(I never thought I’d experience this feeling again.)

The effects of this aphrodisiac seemed to be even stronger than the perfume mixed with the aphrodisiac ingredients from last time, and if I let my guard down, indecent sounds would escape my lips.

(…I want to cry…)

Azel: Hey, don't make that face like you're about to cry.

Azel: The quickest way to get rid of an aphrodisiac is–

*flashback*

Azel: In reality, an aphrodisiac will naturally leave your system with time.

Azel: All you can do is sleep or distract yourself, those are your two options.

*flashback over*

(I’ll just hide in the kitchen like last time, that’s what I’ll do.)

(I can’t let Azel see my unsightly behavior.)

In the middle of his lecture, I turned my back on him and reached for the door as if to escape.

Azel: Where are you going?

Emma: To cook.

Azel: Huh?

Emma: I’m going to cool my head, so please don’t mind me and go to sleep, Prince Azel.

Emma: Good night!

-

Emma: …Why are you following me!?

Azel: …I’m not following you. I’m thirsty.

Azel, who had followed me to the kitchen without a care in the world, poured water into a ceramic cup, just as he had said.

Even after taking a sip and wetting his throat, he showed no sign of leaving.

Azel: Do you want some too?

Emma: …

(Last time, you confined me here and left on your own.)

(…Thinking about it now, that was probably an act of mercy to prevent anyone from seeing my embarrassing behavior.)

(I’d like you to show me the same mercy this time…)

Azel: What is it? You’ve been staring at me.

Emma: You know what I want to say, right?

Azel: Not at all.

Emma: Leave me alone.

Azel: This is my castle.

Emma: Are you okay with being attacked by me?

I tried to push Azel out of the kitchen, but–

(H-He won’t budge…!)

He looked at me with a mixture of amusement and pity.

Azel: What are you doing?

Emma: You wicked god– Ah, no, you’re not a god anymore.

Emma: Um… Wicked person!

Azel: Congratulations on increasing your debt through insults.

Emma: …I understand. You don’t want tomorrow’s meal, then. It was going to be a special dish with meat.

Azel: If that’s what you wish, I’ll obediently return to my room. Goodbye.

(This tactic was the most effective after all.)

Azel briskly headed for the exit, but he turned around before leaving the kitchen.

Azel: However, you should know what an aphrodisiac is.

Azel: It’s actually easier to let it out than to endure it.

(…I know.)

My body, forcibly heated by the aphrodisiac, was aching to the point that I wanted to scratch it, and I unconsciously followed Azel's hand with my eyes.

(If I could just have his hand touch me…)

I slapped my cheeks with both hands as if to resist the temptation and shook my head.

Emma: Thank you for your concern. But I’m fine.

Azel: Why are you so stubborn?

Azel: We’ve already crossed the line.

Emma: …That’s true, but…

Emma: If you touch me like that night, I’ll probably become a mess.

Azel: It might be a good lesson.

Emma: …If Prince Azel were to hate me, I wouldn’t be able to recover.

Azel: Why would that happen?

(Because…)

Emma: You don’t have good memories of aphrodisiacs, do you?

*flashback*

Emma: In the first place, I’ve never used or even seen an aphrodisiac, so I don’t know what it’s like…

Azel: Huh? You’ve never seen one in your life?

Emma: Of course not!

Azel: There are people like that?

*flashback over*

(Because of his position as God, people around Azel-sama tried every trick in the book to get him interested in women.)

(I’ve never asked for details, but I’m sure he’s been tormented by unwanted aphrodisiacs.)

Azel: …Indeed, as you said, I’ve been through a lot with aphrodisiacs.

Azel: I have nothing but unpleasant memories of being forced to watch women lose control in front of me.

Emma: Then–

Azel: But you’re not…

Azel: …

Emma: …Prince Azel?

Azel: ..............

Azel: I hate being attacked.

Emma: I think anyone would.

Azel: That’s right. So I came up with a great idea.

(Huh, the atmosphere suddenly became ominous.)

Even though he was supposed to be heading outside, Azel came back to me for some reason.

When I casually tried to move away, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

Emma: Ah…

An unfamiliar sensation set my entire body ablaze with shame, and I reflexively pushed back against his chest.

But instead of moving away, Azel brought his lips to my ear and breathed a sigh.

Azel: It’s fine to attack before you’re attacked, like this.

Emma: That’s not good, not good at all… Mm!

My ear was nibbled, and indecent gasps melted into the kitchen air.

Emma: No… This really… won’t end well… so… Ah.

The hand that had been resting on my waist slid down and slipped between my legs, along with my negligee.

With just a light touch, my vision went white, and my body trembled as my strength gave out.

Azel: How could you say you were fine in this state?

Azel lifted me up as I collapsed on the floor.

Emma: …I could… evaporate from embarrassment right now…

Azel: If you haven’t evaporated yet, you’ll be fine.

Azel carried me outside and headed for his room with quick steps.

Even the wind that enveloped my body brought me slight pleasure, and I felt a sensation of honey dripping from my lower abdomen.

Emma: ………… Prince Azel.

Azel: It’s not unpleasant or uncomfortable.

Azel: …You’re different from other women.

Just as he said, Azel didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. In fact, his slightly unfocused gaze seemed to reveal his true feelings.

Azel: I can stop if you’re seriously against it.

(Honestly, I’m scared… but…)

(…If… Azel… doesn’t mind…)

I grabbed Azel's clothes and exhaled as if to release the intense heat within me.

Emma: …Touch… me… please…

-

As soon as we returned to the room, Azel stripped me of my negligee and sat me on the bed, embracing me from behind.

Emma: Gasp... Ah...

The mere act of his palm cupping my breast sent a jolt through my core, and when he pressed against my hardened nipple, my vision blurred to white.

Each time his lips grazed my ear, a sweet nectar overflowed in response, and my whole body trembled as his finger, coated with it, slipped inside me.

Even after all this, the aphrodisiac still lingered in my body, and my hips moved involuntarily, matching the rhythm of his finger swirling within me.

Emma: Nn... ...Aah...

Azel effortlessly supported me as I slumped against him, limp.

Azel: Are you alive?

Emma: Barely... alive...

Azel: That's good to hear.

Azel: Learn from this and never touch those "captivate your beloved" concoctions again.

Azel: Besides, even without using such things––

Azel: ...

Emma: ...Even without?

Azel: Why are you so focused on that part?

Emma: Nn...! Don't touch me th-there... aaah!

He hooked a finger around the sensitive swell, now slick with nectar, and another burst of wicked pleasure exploded from my core.

My breath hitched, hot and ragged, and my consciousness almost drifted off into a dream.

Azel: You make that kind of face too, huh?

Azel: ...I feel like I'm the one who's been ravished, even though I'm the one who attacked you.

(I'm... too scared to ask what kind of face I'm making... but...)

Azel's expression as he gazed at me was so alluring it made my heart ache.

That unexpected, worldly expression, so far removed from his usual sanctity—

Our eyes met, and our lips found each other as if drawn together by an invisible force.

(I've had enough of aphrodisiacs... )

(But if it means I can see that look on your face when you desire me... maybe it's not all bad.)

---

(Suspicious Solicitation)

※ This letter has been sent to all booksellers ※

In Tanzanite, a city overflowing with tourist attractions, bookstores are opening one after another.

With the decline of divination, once a symbolic industry of the nation, the demand for knowledge is on the rise.

Furthermore, the nation is currently offering generous support to foreign booksellers, allowing you to start your business immediately.

Tanzanite is now a dreamland where anyone with the skills of a bookseller can easily become a business owner – an opportunity no one in the trade would want to miss.

So, what do you think? It's piqued your interest, hasn't it? It would be a shame to let this big-money chance slip away.

We are currently offering passage to Tanzanite at a special price.

If you are interested in visiting, please contact us at the address below.

P.S. This letter has been sent to all booksellers. Don't try to investigate this offer with your colleagues out of suspicion.

Also, we don't particularly need you to come quickly, nor do we necessarily want a reply.

Don't misunderstand... Absolutely do not misunderstand.

Azel Radwan

--

FIN

.

.

.

Both Endings Epilogue

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[weirdmageddon]

the original post i want everyone to see is way out of my hands now, so i’ll repost this again here as new but separate post. it touches on things i want to go into more depth about.

@wasabikitcat gets this idea. this reply—thank you so much for not just understanding what i was going for, but putting my exact thoughts into cleaner words on the bad reading comprehension site.

i can't believe how misunderstood my point was about “spirituality” (i didn’t know it was that much of a loaded phrase!), but thank you for putting what i meant into more nuanced terms.

it's something that can be hard for me to put into words, and maybe i gave people the wrong impression by using the word "spirituality", since words mean different things to different people. i just haven't seen people discussing it so i wasn't sure how to really put it. but regardless of terminology, this reply is exactly what i'm getting at. and this is coming from someone who has a very scientific mind. i wouldnt even consider myself a traditionally “spiritual” person in the normal connotation of the word.

edit: this one as well!

i see this as a cultural/political factor that we shouldn’t ignore, because this sense of meaning has driven people's motivations since the beginning of human civilization.

there's a primal aspect that hasn't really left us but there seems to be no room for it in our modern culture because half of these “guides” seem to be driven by “i cant wait for civilization to collapse so MY ideology can rise from the ashes" and the other half of it seems to be driven by greed. and often they are hand in hand.

i would really like to see actual enlightening ideas stemming from buddhist thought, analytical psychology, collective unconscious, and archetypes to take off in the public consciousness. (completely divorced from jordan peterson. just the original jungian stuff)

i am especially supportive towards getting people interested in carl jung's works. his idea was to get people to understand, "what myth am i living?" based on the same archetypes and symbols that recur time and time again throughout human history that we can all collectively recognize regardless of culture. so it's a sense of meaning based in the self. i don't want people being sent down reactionary paths when looking for meaning in their lives.

i think it would benefit people to who feel lost especially in uncertain/unprecedented times like, with those “there's got to be more to this, something deeper,” insinct. i see that people are looking for this but get taken advantage of or manipulated.

but on this deeper sense of meaning in life thing, the Left isn't doing a great job at providing an option for “lost” people looking for meaning that the Right seems to be having no trouble with. i wonder if this is why we've seen so many of these lost young men flock to reactionary commentators?

this reminds me of an excellent point contrapoints made in her video about jordan peterson, saying,

“The last thing I like is that you talk about deep shit. I was watching a video where you and a couple of zany goons were talking about Plato and Aristotle and the meaning of life. And I thought, ‘Huh… on the Left, we don’t really talk about that kind of thing. All we talk about is how society oppresses people.’ And that might not be enough. Because people need to have a positive purpose in life. I mean, personally, I don’t give a shit. I’m pretty happy to sit here watching the same three seasons of Strangers with Candy until I die. But other people, like Dostoevsky, Camus, other white guys who talk about lobsters…they have this need to have purpose in the face of suffering, and like, not just complain about patriarchy. I guess it’s easier to not complain about patriarchy when patriarchy isn’t the thing that’s making you suffer. But I do think that an education that only teaches people about oppression is inadequate. We spend four years teaching undergraduates why capitalism is bad, and then we say, ‘Well, you’re educated now. Good luck getting a job under capitalism, bye!’ …And that really kind of sucks! But you know, I think that’s a point that can probably be made without comparing transgender activism to Stalin.”

speaking of her, this is a related post i wrote earlier on young men being radicalized and how to approach communication

and by the way, if you are interested in learning jungian psychology and want to see what it’s about, here are some resources to get you started:

i think the jung subreddit has a great collection of resources on its about page.

i highly recommend Demystifying Jungian Psychology to start. it’s meant for beginners. it is available in english and spanish. you can currently find the book in the comments section here. since sometimes these links lead to a 404, i don’t want to link directly to the google drive page. i want you to have a link to the original thread in case it gets broken.

[daeniradraconis]

Note: My friend and I were laughing about how William’s girlfriend would deal with him always being half-naked during media appearances. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I ended up writing a short, cute text conversation between them. Nothing too serious, just for fun. Warnings: no drama, just full-on fluff and all the cute, heart-melting moments.

you opened the post-game interviews after finishing your shift, exhaustion weighing down your body as you sank into the couch. it had been another long day, and it didn’t help that you hadn’t seen william in over four weeks.

you’d missed his game tonight—something you hated—but work had gotten in the way. still, you weren’t about to go to bed without catching up. pulling up the interviews, you waited for the video to load, and as soon as his face appeared on screen, your chest tightened.

there he was.

blond hair damp and messy, like he’d barely run a towel over it after his shower. those icy blue eyes were impossible to miss, so sharp and striking they made you forget how to breathe for a second. and then there was that damn mustache—a thin, perfectly groomed line that he insisted on keeping, no matter how many jokes you made about him looking like a 70s german porn star.

but it was his smile that really got you. wide, a little crooked, and radiating the kind of warmth that made it impossible to be mad at him, even when he was being his cocky self. it was a golden-retriever smile—boyish and playful, and it made your heart melt, just like it always did.

he was talking, answering questions with his usual mix of charm and ease, leaning back in his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world. of course, he was shirtless. because why wouldn’t he be?

your eyes trailed over him, and you felt your stomach twist in longing. he looked too good, too effortless. the distance between you suddenly felt unbearable.

shaking your head, you set your tea down and grabbed your phone. your thumbs flew over the keyboard as you typed out a message, your heart beating just a little faster than you’d like to admit.

you: please learn how to wear a t-shirt, love. it’s not that hard.

you hit send before you could second-guess it, already bracing yourself for the inevitable reply. your phone buzzed almost immediately, and you bit your lip as his name lit up the screen.

willy: you miss me that much, huh?

you rolled your eyes, smiling despite yourself.

you: i miss you, but this isn’t about that. it’s about your complete inability to keep a shirt on in public.

willy: sounds like it’s exactly about that. you jealous, babe?

you let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. he always knew how to push your buttons, and the worst part was how much you loved it.

you: jealous? please. just trying to save you from catching a cold. i’m thoughtful like that.

willy: so thoughtful. maybe you should come take care of me in person. t-shirt optional.

your cheeks burned as you read the message, and you groaned softly, pressing the phone to your forehead. he was impossible.

you: you’re impossible.

willy: you love it.

your heart fluttered as you stared at the screen, knowing he wasn’t wrong.

you: i do. but seriously, next time, put on a damn shirt. or i might lose my mind before you’re back.

his reply came faster than you expected.

willy: deal. but only if you promise to take it off for me later.

you let out a groan, the butterflies in your stomach refusing to settle as you typed back.

you: better wrap up this road trip fast, nylander. or i’m flying out there myself.

willy: don’t threaten me with a good time, babe.

you set the phone down and leaned back, staring at the ceiling as a wide smile spread across your face. no matter how much he drove you crazy, he was worth every second. the four weeks apart had felt like forever, but moments like this made it just a little easier to bear.

you picked up your phone one more time, hesitating only a second before sending another message.

you: miss you. even when you’re a cocky pain in the ass.

his reply came instantly.

willy: miss you too. i’ll make it up to you soon.

as you read his words, your heart softened. four weeks might feel endless, but knowing he was thinking about you just as much as you were thinking about him made it bearable. and even if he didn’t start wearing a shirt, you supposed you’d survive. probably.

[charliehoennam]

home again.

A/N: request made here by @juniebugg and a nonny made here so i decided to mash these two together

Pairing: John Kinley x F!reader

Warnings: Language and smut. No minors, please!

Word count: 2,675

SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG

The dusty gravel of your driveway crunched under the tires of Declan’s truck. You didn’t need to look out the window to know who it was, but you wanted to see him. Make sure he’s alright.

You’d refused to pick John up at the military base. You didn’t want to be anywhere near it. It’d been months since he’d been away and you hated every single second he was gone.

You missed him more than anything in the world. Deep inside, you were thrilled he was finally home and, most importantly, safe. Part of you wanted to race out the door and throw yourself in his arms. The other part, however, wanted to slap him across the face.

Months of his absence – provided only via letters and shitty connections through phone calls or video chats that could never replace his presence – drove you insane.

The only thing that was worse was zero contact. Not knowing if he was dead or alive; that every car that drove by the house would deliver that dreaded folded flag. Sometimes, you questioned why he would want to be in the army in the first place, fighting a war that he has no fault in. How could he just leave you?

You’d thought it would get easier to live with after you got married. Turned out, it wasn’t.

John called out for you and spotted you by the window where he’d caught you staring out of just before you moved away to hide. He read your resistance right off the bat.

“Hey, honey” he smiled as he set his army green bag on the floor in the hallway. “Don’t I get a kiss huh?”He tried to joke to loosen you up.

There was definitely tension in the air that he’d detected even before walking in, but he wanted to avoid conflict on his first day home. He’d missed you just as much as you’d missed him; there was no doubt the distance was hard on both sides. Yet you felt he was to blame since it was his choice to reenlist. You were there. You’d always be there.

You pulled away as he tried to pull you into his arms and marched back into the kitchen where you’d been making his favorite: Fettucine alfredo with crispy bits of Italian sausage. 

“Something smells real good.” His attempts were getting nowhere. “Come on, baby. Is this how it’s gonna be every time I come home?”

“You could just stay home.” You shrugged as you continued stirring the pot of white sauce before dipping a spoon to taste-test the flavor.

“We’re really gonna do this? Again?” He scoffed running a hand over his tired face.

“Do you really expect me to be all bright smiles when you were literally gone for 9 months in the middle of God knows where? After 11 days of sheer silence, I just found 6 days ago that you weren’t dead, John.”

“I thought that would be something to be happy about.” His brows furrowed.

“I am happy you’re alive, John. But I did also spend 11 days thinking you might have been dead!”

“That wasn’t my fault! We got ambushed by an IED in the middle of nowhere. We lost the RV and had to trek through the goddamn desert. You think I wanted that happen?!”

“Then you shouldn’t have relisted! I just don’t get it! Why would you want to go back to that?!”

“You don’t have to get anything! You’re acting like this is all new to you! You knew I was in the Army before, that it wouldn’t change when we got married!”

“Maybe I’d hope it would! So crucify me for thinking that maybe my husband would want to actually be home with me after getting married!” 

Your argument only escalated after that. John was angry and you were furious. A blur of loud voices, searing tears and fists pounding on walls and countertops. At some point, he had decided to blow off some steam and slammed the front door shut as he left to have a drink at the bar. He didn’t want to get drunk or talk to anybody. He just wanted to get out of there before you’d both said things that couldn’t be taken back.

Sat on a tall stool with a beer bottle cradled in his hands, he stared into nothingness wanting to forget everything. However, his mind found itself returning to you. To your scent that lingered on his clothes after his hug. To your warmth against his chest and arms. Fuck, he missed you badly and he hated that he couldn’t fucking forget it.

After pushing himself off the stool, he drove home in silence and cautiously stepped over the threshold. His eyes scanned the house as he made his way in, searching for any indication that could explain your current state. But he found only silence. A daunting calmness in the shadows of the home as the streets casted their lights in attempt to chase the gloom. But when his eyes landed on a pillow stacked upon of a folded-up blanket, he shook his head and ignored your punishment.

That was his limit. The final drop to overflow the flood he’d spent hours trying to contain.

You tossed and turned in bed, wondering if you had gone too far. You reflected on his words. He wasn’t wrong. You knew the Army was important to him going into the relationship. You knew that when you said yes when he asked you to marry him. You knew that when you said “I do” at the altar.

He felt his blood boil again as he marched up the stairs with his pillow under his arm. The door flew up open and he strode into the room, avoiding your bewildered gaze as you propped yourself up on your elbow.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You questioned angrily. “You’re sleeping on the couch.”

“The hell I am. I spent nine months away. I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight.”

You could hear the tinge of impatience in his voice. He sat at the edge of his side on the bed to untie his boots and set them aside with a thud muffled by the carpet.

“You’re not sleeping here, John.”

“You can sleep on the couch if you want, but I’m sleeping right here.”

“You’re fucking ridiculous, you know that?”

“Oh, I am huh? How about you? You’re the one that’s acting like a fucking child.”

You sat up in disbelief, ready for round two of your argument.

“Just don’t. I’m tired and I wanna sleep.” He stated as he laid back against his pillow, back turned to you.

“You think it’s fucking easy? You think it’s easy having you miles away, with no notice if you’re even alive? I thought you were dead, John!”

He was ready to snap back with his defense, but the tears building in your eyes warned him not to. Instead, his jaw clenched as he held his gaze on you.

“I spent night crying my fucking eyes out thinking you weren’t coming home this time! Just to get up the next day and pretend like everything was alright! Do you know how emotionally exhausting this has been for me?!”

He hadn’t thought about that. Guilt settled in his chest and started to build in his throat as he listened to your rant, which soon brought you to sob.

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m home…” he whispered pulling you into his strong arms, wrapping them around you.

Any resistance you had melted away against his warmth. You gave in and buried your face into his neck.

“I’m home. I’m with you and everything’s alright. Everything’s alright now.” he repeated as he soothed you with gentle kisses on the crown of your head. His palm rubbed circles against your back.

Your body was yearning for him. He could tell from the way your nails clung onto his shirt. His fingers lifted your chin to catch your gaze.

“Look at me. I’m right here. I’m with you and I’m not going anywhere, alright?” he whispered with a thumb wiping your tears away.

“I got you, hm?”

Sealing his promise with a kiss, your body softened and accepted his kiss. Then his tongue. You could feel it building in your core. That familiar lust that had haunted you during his absence. That craving that couldn’t be quenched.

Like magnets, your bodies had lost against the invisible pull. His hands slipped down to your thighs, guiding them as you straddled his lap.  The heated kiss was unbroken until your hands tugged at his olive-green shirt to release it from the tuck of his camouflaged pants. You helped him pull it off over his head as he helped you remove the Pink Floyd t-shirt that once belonged to him before becoming your favorite nightgown.

 As your lips collided once again – more feverish than before –, your hands roamed down to unbuckle his belt. The metal clinked as it hit the floor. John wasted no time to lay you down against the mattress. You needed him and there he finally was to take care of you. God, how he’d missed your taste.

He whispered continuous praises as his bushy beard brushed against your delicate skin, peppering kisses down to your breasts. His mouth closed around your hardening nipples, suckling them with eyes closed to relish their fullness and warmth.

“My beautiful wife. Missed you so fucking much.”

His hand kneaded each of them as he squeezed your flesh to his face. He could’ve stayed there forever, but he was eager to please you.

He forced himself up as he stood back on his knees, sat against his heels. His gaze on you was loving as if admiring a sculpture he’d carved from his own dreams. “I love you” fell from his lips over and over again, like a prayer in between the tender kisses he pressed against your legs, lifting them to rest against his broad shoulders. He hooked his fingers into your panties and slid them up your legs and tosses them to the floor. His eyes locked on yours was more than enough to cause your core to puddle. You could feel the slick building with every kiss.

He wasted no time settling between your thighs, trailing his kisses over your outer labia. This was about making you feel good. Making it sink into your brain that he was finally fucking home.

With your legs bent up over his shoulders, he moaned as he buried his mouth against your plush slick flush. One hand slid up to your breast as the other locked its fingers with your own. You moaned and wiggled against him.

He devoured you and smiled to himself as he watched the way your body arched in pleasure. The salty sweet taste of you liquefied his insides. He could feel him twitching as his cock hardened on the bed. After months of bottling in all his desires and having to satisfy himself with his hand and a photo of you in lingerie, his thirst for you was erupting beyond control. He had to remind himself that this was going to be about you.

His hips began rocking against the bed at the sounds your body was making. He was so eager to fuck you, but he had to contain himself to make it last. Yet his hunger for you had his hips grinding against the mattress, aching for any type of friction he could get as he battled with his self-control. His cock spasmed in his pants with every gentle tug on his hair or scrape of your nails on his scalp.  

With his tongue building up your orgasm, it lapped over your folds and concentrated on the overly sensitive nub. He swiped and swiveled over it; the pressure in your depths grew into hot white pleasure. You weren’t going to last much longer.

The hand on your breast slid down your scorching skin to hold your hips firmly in place as you wriggled, wrestling against the implosion and failing terrible to resist until you finally caved in. Your body trembled as your legs shut on either side of his head. He smiled as he proudly admired your reaction, enjoying how quickly your chest rose and fell. The leaking precum from his dick was beginning to sink through his boxers and pants; he was almost certain he’d left a wet spot on the bedsheet.

He lifted himself off and was unable to wait any longer. He needed to feel you on his cock. Kicking his pants off provided you a moment to regain yourself and admired the way his muscles contracted under his skin. This big burly man was yours, all yours.

As he crawled back between your legs and aligned himself to penetrate, you both watched his head slowly push in through your soaking pussy in burning anticipation lathered with only the spit on his fingertips.

His eyes closed tightly shut as he bottomed out and held himself there for a moment, controlling his own increasing implosion.

You could tell he was struggling a bit between satisfying you both and giving into his own carnal needs. You cradled the sides of his face and gently guided him down to kiss him in an attempt to distract him from the wonderful hug of your cunt on his cock.

With an arm propped on the side of your head, he kissed you hungrily as his hand gripped the soft flesh of your thigh and pushed your hips against his. His groin brushing on your swollen nub sent fireworks bursting through your nerves, forcing a shy moan from your throat. He smiled and pulled his head back to look down at you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

As his lips latched onto your neck, his hips pulled back and slowly thrusted forward to begin his pace. Slow and gentle, but so deliciously full and stretched. You held your breath with every push and pull of his cock, clenching around it to hold him inside. You’d never let him go if you could. His cock in you made you feel so completed like this is where you both were meant to be.

His pace started to quicken. A sheen coat of sweat glazed your bodies in the cool blue light of the moon that rained in from the tall windows of your bedroom. The searing heat had begun to bubble from the inside out, oozing from your desperate desire to feel each other deeper.

The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed out the open door and into the hallway. His balls slammed against your perineum as your wetness began coating the bedsheet underneath, staining it with remnants of love and lust.

With labored breaths, he hugged you tightly against him with his other arm. It was building up in you for the second time and you could tell it was building in him as well. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your toes curled against his hips. The tight embrace of your pussy as you came again had him frantically hammering into you as praises flooded out from his lips.

“Feel so fucking good for me. I-I fucking love you, baby. L-love you so much.”

Releasing you to lock your fingers together, he shuddered with a deep moan and slowed to a stop. You milked every drop. The hot load filled you with an incomparable warmth in your depths. Your walls were coated in his pearly white seed.

He panted as he held himself in your cunt for a moment longer until he finally pulled out and collapsed beside you. You turned on your side to face him. His hands reached out for you and pulled you into his arms. Perfectly nestled against his hairy chest, you smiled to yourself. His heart beating against your ear was the final reminder that he was home. He was here and he was all yours.

[shunin-gumis]

Nagi Hachinoya Novel

Essence of a Bouquet

Track 01 - Secret Energy that can attract Happiness

Please note that the novel contains some major spoilers in regards to Nagi's past that is revealed in L4mps main story before you read!

The dialogues do not actually state who is speaking, but I noted it anyways to make it easier to understand.

"Now, let us dive deep into the sea of memories…"

As if guided by the voice I hear from the podium, I close my eyes, and dive deep into the depths of my memories.

The earliest memory I have is that of my mother, the two of us having fun at a park.

The fresh and vibrant four-leaf clover.

The happy times, immediately followed by our separation at the laundromat.

The moment I learned that the scent of partings was the smell of fresh laundry.

'……'

I open my eyes.

'Why did you have to leave me behind…'

'I want to go back to that day, a day that should have been filled with happiness.'

In the corner of a special venue in mahorova, I look around and see the avatars all around me were in tears. I had already come to terms with what happened with my mother, so I didn't join them in their tears. But I could still understand their feelings very well.

If it were truly possible for me to return to that day, I would be willing to make any sacrifice. That's what it means to be 'sad'.

This was the orientation for beginners who want to join the "Society of Secret Energy to Attract Happiness". The gathering had around 30 members, and since everyone was in their anonymous avatars, there was no way to tell anyone's age nor gender.

The person talking at the podium was known as the Flower Princess, Master Hideko. She was the one responsible for leading this gathering. She had the avatar of an old woman in her sixties… but I had a feeling that's how she looks in real life as well.

Master Hideko looked around as everyone was crying, and with a solemn yet gentle expression on her face, she started speaking.

Hideko "Please, dry your tears. I am certain that you will all be able to return to those happy days once again. "Good fortune" is simply an energy that attracts happiness based on the principle of attunement wave function, in other words if you can access your "Secret Energy", you can-"

She was using a lot of technical terms, but it was very informative. I'm glad I attended.

After joining HAMA Tours, although I was late to the party, I started browsing videos on dazzle. Strangely enough, after a bit of searching, I found that my feed was full of videos that were related to luck.

One day, I asked Buchi-san about it while I was in the living room with him.

Nagi "Seeing all these videos on the topic of luck, I wonder if it's all the rage these days…"

He responded with-

Daniel "That's just the target algorithm doing it's job."

Nagi "Algo-huh?"

Daniel "I mean, it's because you keep watching those kinds of videos all the time- ah forget it. It's too much of a pain to explain."

Nagi "So what does it mean?"

Daniel "Yeah it's all the rage, but only in your phone."

-Is what he said.

I thought it was popular because it was effective, so I'd immediately applied to join the gathering.

I myself had a predisposition that made me attract bad luck proportional to the happiness that I receive. But rather than simply wanting to be happy for the sake of being happy, I wanted to be able to spread happiness through my flowers, which meant I had to be happy first.

Hideko "Say it together now, Secret Energy!!"

Master Hideko's voice grew louder. As if everyone was pulled by an invisible force, they all stood up together. I got up in a hurry as well.

"Secret Energy!"

"Secret Energy!!"

Before I knew it, everyone was chanting "Secret Energy" over and over while hugging the person next to them.

I see, this is the power of "Secret Energy".

Everyone was hugging the person next to them as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

In which case, the person next to me…

Black cat avatar "Secret Energy!"

When I looked over, a person with a black cat avatar was already waiting with their arms wide open.

Nagi "Secret Energy!"

That's why I returned the hug as well.

I don't think I've ever hugged anyone before, but now that I have, I could feel my heart being filled even in this virtual space.

I don't even know this person, and even if it's just through virtual avatars, this is not something that I'd experience normally. Is this one of the secrets to happiness?

As a matter of fact, the avatar in front of me seemed quite happy. There was something about it that made you feel a connection, beyond age, gender or even words.

Once again, Master Hideko's voice full of love washed over us.

Hideko "The next gathering will be for the intermediate level, so make sure you all do your assignments before you attend!"

Nagi "Phew… that was quite the passionate session."

I got a glimpse into ways of increasing happiness from a perspective that's different from mine. As I thought, it was good thing that I participated today.

Just as I was about to log out, I felt a tap on my shoulder-

Black cat avatar "Hello again! I just wanted to say, it was a really fulfilling time despite being a beginner's session."

It was the person with the black cat avatar.

Nagi "I agree. I'm looking forward to the next session."

Black cat avatar "Right!"

Since I felt like I shared in some happiness with this person, I couldn't help talk with them at that moment.

Apparently, he was a 35 year old male. Although I was one generation younger than him, he didn't mind at all and was very frank, all smiles.

Black cat avatar "I'm glad I got to meet someone I can get along with! Feel free to talk to me the next time you see me!"

Nagi "Yes, I will."

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 /Part 5

[moonlightspencie]

Help Me Hold on to You

Description: Ted and the reader struggle with balancing mental health and everyday life. (Based on The Archer by Taylor Swift)

Pairing: Ted Lasso x fem!Reader

Warnings: depictions of anxiety and panic

Word Count: 8.9k

A/N: one of my all time favs that i’ve written (and, not to sound conceited, one of my favs in general bc it was super self-indulgent hehe). originally posted on tumblr. then dropped onto ao3. now it’s back on tumblr.

“Hey, Y/N. Whatcha up to?” Ted burst into your shared office, a wide-eyed look on his face.

You shook your head with a smirk, “Just going over the last game, trying to figure out what we can do better next time.”

You paused the video on your laptop, shutting it and looking up to him expectantly. He pulled a chair up next to you, suddenly looking a little nervous.

“I know that look, Ted. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, plastering on a smile. “Nothing.”

“You wouldn’t have come interrupting me unless you had something you wanted to talk about.”

His face dropped, nodding slowly. “I’m getting kind of sick of you reading me like a book, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

He chuckled, looking back at you. “Okay, guilty. Uh, I’m not sure how to address this, so I guess I better just come out and say it, huh?”

You nodded back at him, silent, but with a reassuring smile.

He clapped once. “So, uh, nobody really knows about this, but I’ve been dealing with some anxiety lately. I, uh— I don’t really want anyone knowing about it, so if you could…”

“I’ll be quiet as a mouse in a trap.”

He raised a brow. “Morbid.”

“My colloquialisms can’t be as silly and polished as yours, friend.”

He smiled. “Guess not. Don’t really have room in my head for ‘em right now, though.”

You shrugged. “That’s okay. I like you whether or not you’re acting like a landscaper’s favorite machine.”

He paused for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. Then, his face lit up.

“Chipper?”

You simply pointed at him with a wink.

“Nice,” he said with a smile. He looked back down to his hands, smile melting. “So, um, I guess I just wanted you to know. That was the reason I had to leave the game, actually. It wasn’t food poisoning, but it just seems easier to let people believe that, you know? But, anyway. You seem to be good with these kinds of things, and I just… I don’t know.”

“Sometimes it’s nice just to tell someone, yeah?”

He nodded with a small grin. “Rebecca’s seen it happen once, but I think that’s about it. I made an appointment to speak with the doc, but I just couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged, head shaking. “It’s bull.”

“Ted, you remember what you told me when I talked to you about my issues with trust?”

He raised a brow. “I told you nobody good would hurt you like…”

“You told me that all people are different people. You’ve said it a few times around me, I know you’ve told other people the same. And you know what?”

“What?” His brows sat raised.

“You need to start taking your own advice.”

“I don’t like when you do that.”

“Do what?” You laughed.

He chuckled with you. “When you’re right. I’m not supposed to be a quitter, either.”

“Not for the good things, anyway, huh?”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

He started standing, but you stood with him before he could go anywhere.

“Hey, there’s something I want you to know, too.”

“Shoot,” he said, gesturing for you to continue.

“I deal with anxiety, too. A lot, actually.”

He furrowed his brow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t want you to worry.”

“Well, now I am.”

“Don’t. I can cope, I just— I want you to know you’re not alone in this, okay? I get panic attacks, anxiety attacks, I deal with more minor symptoms pretty much every day. And you know what? It doesn’t make me any less of a person. Doesn’t make you, either.”

You saw the tears that began to prick his eyes, but decided to leave that situation alone. Instead, you pulled him in for a hug. He hugged back hard, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You heard him take a few shaky breaths before he pulled back, wiping at his eyes.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t ever apologize for vulnerability. Least not to me, cause I know exactly how you’re feeling and it’s okay. I promise,” you reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

He smiled at you, trying to hold back from letting any more tears fall.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, Ted. I do want you to try going back to doctor Sharon, though. She’s a good woman.”

He nodded, glancing at where your hand still held his own. He squeezed it again, then left you to get back to your work. You sat for a while, unable to focus on anything but what he’d told you. You hoped like hell he had really listened to you.

It wasn’t until the next day that you’d found he’d both listened to and simultaneously completely ignored you. You were walking down the hall from the office when you saw him.

“Hey,” you called out to him, both hands on his chest to stop him from moving when you got close enough. “Your appointment is supposed to be right now. What happened to—”

“I can’t do it.”

He grabbed one of your wrists, trying to move you. You refused to budge.

“No. Uh-uh. Why did you leave?”

“I’m not talking to someone who’s only there cause she’s paid.”

You raised a brow. “Excuse me, Lasso. Are you not getting paid to do your job?”

He huffed out a sigh.

“Don’t you get attitude with me,” you dropped your hands, but didn’t move from where you stood. “I gotta go, but you’re trying again tomorrow, you hear me?”

“Y/N—”

“You’re going. Non-negotiable.”

He dropped his shoulders. “Fine. I’ll try.”

You nodded once, a smile of victory on your face. “And by the way, I think Keeley’s smoking in the boot room. Might wanna see what that’s about, yeah?”

He tilted his head, a chuckle leaving him. You patted him on the shoulder as you passed to leave the building.

Your day from then on was a long one. You were running around with Beard for part of it, trying to work on strategy for the upcoming game against Man City. The whole Richmond team was on edge, and you were beginning to worry that the nervousness alone might end up being the end-all to the game. You were a firm believer that winning had as much to do with the power of the mind as the power of the body. If they were going in thinking they were going to lose— lose they would.

“That’s a little dramatic,” Beard said over his beer.

You rolled your eyes, sipping at your drink.

“It’s not. Same line of thinking as Ted’s ‘Believe’ sign. I’m just being a little more explicit about what I mean when I say it.”

He chuckled. “You two are more alike than I think you even realize, you know?”

“I think I realize.”

“Do you?”

You shrugged, nodding slightly.

“Both crazy about this team, and even more crazy about you,” you teased, flicking at the brim of his hat.

He hid a smile behind his glass. “Your never-ending optimism and knack for flattery is also pretty similar.”

You hummed in agreement. “Can’t argue with ya, there.”

“So, what do you think we should do, then?”

You shrugged. “Find some way to cheer up the team. Get them excited for the game rather than scared of losing.”

He nodded, brows raised. “Any way of implementing that?”

“I’ll figure it out, I’m sure.” You leaned back. “Remember that game against Kansas State? Our boys were so freaked about it all, then Ted did his thing and got them so excited to play…”

“Beat their asses.”

“Yeah, we did.”

You both went in for a quick high five before continuing.

“Remember how he did it?”

“Told ‘em they needed to loosen up. We had a dance party and ordered pizza.”

You smiled. “Yep. What do you say we make something like that happen again? Day before we travel, let’s do it.”

He smirked, a brow raised. “Sounds perfect. You gonna tell Ted?”

You shrugged. “I think he could use the surprise just as much as the players.”

He narrowed his eyes at you.

You put your hands up. “What’s that look about?”

He just shook his head silently.

“I’m not treating him any different.”

He raised a brow, sipping at his drink again.

“Ted’s been going through it lately, I just think he needs a little cheer up. Nothing else.”

He set down his drink, then sat up straight, eyes still trained on you.

“Quit lecturing me, Beard,” you chuckled. “I know you always think I have some thing for him, but why can’t it just be that I care about people, huh?”

“I see through it.”

You paused for a moment. “I hate that.”

He smirked, and you both finished eating.

You went home yourself, denying a walk-back from Beard. You appreciated the gesture, but the air was beginning to feel thick and suffocating. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you like that.

As much as you tried pretending like the state of the team wasn’t affecting you, you knew that trying to be the fixer for this situation was weighing on you. More than you thought it would.

You tried swallowing, feeling your throat pretending to swell just to spite you. You rushed even faster towards your flat, feeling that the oncoming attack wasn’t going to be so routine.

As soon as you were in your door, your knees hit the floor, head between your arms on the carpet. You tried to control your breathing, but it was no use. Tears fell, though you’d hardly noticed as you’d refused to open your eyes. The bleariness you were bound to find if you opened them would only make the situation worse. You began to worry about passing out if you couldn’t control your breathing, and decided to roll yourself onto your side, whole body pushing through tremors you hadn’t felt in a few months, at least.

The ringing of your phone didn’t aid your situation. You desperately hoped it wasn’t an emergency, because there was no way you’d be able to make it over to where you’d dropped your purse. But, it kept ringing. Four separate calls over the span of probably half an hour.

It was another good half an hour after the calls had stopped before you were composed enough to open your eyes, and pull yourself into a sitting position on the ground. Though, you wouldn’t have known. Time never seemed to make any sense in those situations.

You worked on breathing in and out slowly, wiping away at any remaining tears. The shaking hadn’t yet ceased, but at least that was manageable. Right as you started trying to stand, you heard the loud buzzing of someone asking to be let in. You made it over, asking who was there.

“It’s me. Are you okay?” Ted’s voice came through.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Hang on,” you said, letting him in.

It wasn’t long before a knock was at the door, and you wished he wasn’t so quick. No amount of post-panic-primping in a fifteen-second slot could make you look presentable enough to get past him. You opened the door, putting on a smile and hoping he would be too preoccupied with something else to look directly at you for too long.

His face dropped the second he saw you, of course.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head. “I’m okay.”

He walked in, leaving you to close the door and follow him.

“No way, McConaughey. You can’t hide tears from me, I got eagle eyes for that sort of thing.”

You crossed your arms. “I’ve just had a long night.”

He watched you for a moment, picking up on the fact that you wouldn’t be sharing any time soon. He nodded slowly.

“Okay, that’s fine. If you don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay,” he smiled softly, then wrapped you in a tight hug.

You welcomed it, arms wrapping around his middle, head buried in his chest.

“You were honest with me,” you started after a moment, “so, I guess I should be with you. I just came down from a pretty bad panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, hardly made it home… I just—”

“It’s okay,” he said, rubbing your back as he spoke. “We don’t have to talk about details. Thank you for telling me.”

You nodded. “Thank you for coming.”

“You always answer when I call. I knew something had to be up.”

“What if I was just in the shower?”

“You still always call me back right away. I had over an hour of radio silence from you.”

You chuckled. “I didn’t know you had it down to such a science.”

He laughed back, pulling away from you just enough to see your face.

“There she is,” he said, a smile on his face.

“And she is a mess.”

“We all get a little messy sometimes, though, don’t we?”

You nodded. “Gotta agree with that.”

He looked at you for a moment or two with a soft smile on his face, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, especially since Beard was also on your ass about it, that was the moment you knew. You felt your heart rate pick up, and didn’t know what to do but escape. You stepped back, leaving him looking a little confused.

“I think I need some sleep, Ted.”

His eyes were wide, looking at you. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I just need time alone, now. I need rest.”

“Okay, yeah,” he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Uh, alright, well I will see you tomorrow bright and early, right?”

You nodded, giving him a quick smile.

“Anything else I can do for you?”

You shook your head. “No. I’m okay.”

He nodded again, watching you with those big, worried eyes. You wished he would stop with that. He waved a quick goodbye, leaving you alone.

You settled into bed, though you were unable to sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about the team. Or Ted. Or the fact that you couldn’t help but self-sabotage any chance you got. You wiped away a few stray tears, and closed your eyes, hoping sleep would take over soon.

You woke up from a couple hours of sleep to a text. Of course, from Ted.

- Excited to see you today for coaches meeting :) I’m proud of you

You sighed, setting your phone down next to you. The guy didn’t seem to have a single mean bone in his body, and here you were wallowing in the fact that you couldn’t help but feel like you brought down everyone around you. As much as you tried to remain positive in every situation, you knew your mood affected the people around you whenever you were a little down in the dumps. You got up, hoping you could at least try to disguise it as well as possible for the day. At least for the morning.

You stopped to get coffee on the way in, delivering each drink with a smile. You sat next to Ted to watch the tapes, giving him the most convincing smile you could.

“You seem better today,” he said quietly, a smile on his face.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

The next few days you were preoccupied with setting up the party for the team, and luckily it kept you busy enough to not fall back into the hole you’d had to crawl out of. If there was one thing you were proud of, it was your ability to pull yourself out of the hardest places. Maybe it wasn’t always through the best methods, but you figured that doing what you needed to was working just fine. If it ain’t broke, after all.

“Howdy, howdy!” Ted chimed, walking in.

You shut your laptop quickly, still taking pride in the fact that you were successfully keeping the event from him.

He quirked a brow, nodding towards your laptop. “What’s that about?”

“Nothing you need to worry about right now. What’s up?”

He rubbed his hands together, leaning against your desk with a cheesy grin.

“Guess.”

“You got another jar of barbecue sauce?”

He laughed. “Yes, actually, but that’s not what this is all about, buttercup. It’s about you.”

You furrowed your brow. “What?”

“Well, kinda,” he said with a light chuckle. “I’ve been seeing the doc a lot more frequently, now.”

You lit up. “Oh, I’m so proud of you!”

“You’ll be even more proud in a second. Get this, she actually said that she’s glad me and you are friends.”

You crinkled your nose, laughing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I told her about all of your help over the past few sessions, and she told me to tell you, little lady, that I am lucky to have you.”

He nudged your shoulder as he ended the sentence, and you hoped he wouldn’t notice how you tried hiding a smile.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks as he finished out by saying, “I gotta say, I agree with her.”

“In that case, you’re welcome.”

He smiled again, hopping up to sit on your desk. “So, what are you up to?”

“You’ll find out later. Later today, actually.”

He raised his brows. “Oh yeah?”

You nodded, “Mhm. I really think you’re gonna love it, too.”

He gasped, “Did you get me those funky shoes from Gucci I showed you the other day?”

“What?” You scrunched up your face. “No, of course not. Those things were horrible.”

He paused, as if to say something, before raising his brows and nodding in agreement.

“Okay, so what is it?”

“Wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you, would it?”

He dropped his shoulders. “Aw, come on. Telling me you have a surprise and not saying what it is… That’s worse than telling your dog you’re going on a walk then leaving him home.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“You’re right, that’s just evil. But you know I like to know things.”

You reached over, patting his knee. “I know, but I think you can survive til after practice.”

“Training,” he corrected.

“Ted, we’re both American. You don’t need to adjust your language with me.”

“See, that’s why I love talking to you,” he laughed, poking at your shoulder.

You shook your head, “Okay, now get out of here so I can finish up.”

“I’ll see you at practice, huh?” He raised an eyebrow, looking a little too pleased with himself for switching up his terminology.

You laughed. “See you there, coach.”

Beard walked in a while later, looking at you expectantly.

“Yes, I’m almost ready. Pizza will be here about ten minutes before we’re done, so I’ll excuse myself a little early, and I’ve got Keeley and Higgins doing some decorating in the locker room while we’re out.”

“You know my favorite thing about you?” He asked as he sat down in his seat.

“Fact that you don’t have to actually say anything to talk to me?”

He smirked, nodding. “Exactly.”

You both laughed, then sat back and waited for the boys to make it to the locker room. Ted came in, a big smile on his face as he did.

“Hey, there are two of my favorite people on this whole planet!”

“Still not telling you,” you said, giving a glance at Beard.

He only shook his head, going back to his book.

“Hey!” Ted exclaimed, pointing to Beard. “You know, too?”

“Know what?” Nate asked as he walked in.

You kept talking, “Keeley and Higgins, too. Oh, and Rebecca, actually, but she can’t be a part of it today.”

Ted glared at you as he went to his desk chair, Roy coming in behind him as he did.

“You talking about what Keeley told me she can’t tell me about?”

“Yep,” you responded, leaning back in your seat.

He grunted in response, arms crossing over his chest. You all worked on the game plan for ‘training’, then headed out with the team to get started on the last home practice before the big game. You knew nerves were high the whole time, and were all the more focused on making sure your little pizza party was a relief for everyone. You excused yourself to bring in the pizzas with your two accomplices, and then waited outside the door until the team came barging in. You heard shouts of approval from them all as they saw the decor and food, smiling as the work you’d done was starting to prove to be a good idea. Beard and Ted wandered in a moment after the last boy was in the locker room, a smile on Ted’s face as he heard them all.

“This the surprise?” He asked as he approached you.

You smiled, nodding. Beard moved past you to enter.

“Remember Kansas State?”

He raised his brows, smile only growing. “You didn’t.”

You nodded once more. “I did.”

He scooped you up in a hug, spinning you around.

“You are the best,” he said, setting you back down with a kiss to your cheek. Luckily, the smile on your face could easily be chalked up to the surprise paying off rather than the show of intimacy from your friend. “Well, come on, let’s shake a leg so I can shake some booty.”

You laughed at that, following behind him into the chaos.

“Hey!” He called out to everyone. “Y’all say thank you to Y/N for all this.”

A chorus of ‘thank you’s erupted, and you laughed as Ted pulled you into his side.

“Couldn’t have done it without Keeley and Higgins, y’all. They did all the decorating, I just recycled an old idea of coach, here.”

The team chuckled, then went back to celebrating as the music started.

He looked to you, eyes narrowed. “You’re being way too modest. This happened cause you put your heart and soul into this team.”

“I learned from the best, Lasso.”

He looked at you quietly, a small smile on his face, then shook his head. He pulled you into the small crowd, and you all spent the next couple hours letting loose before you had to check in with reality again.

The party seemed to have helped. Morale was up as you prepared for the game, and at minimum you knew that even if you still lost, they likely wouldn’t take it quite as hard. That helped your conscience, if anything.

One more thing that took a weight off of your shoulders was what happened before the game even started. Ted told the other coaches about his struggles with anxiety before the game. He came clean about it all, and you knew he felt good about finally letting it go to them. As the others started walking out, you held him back, making sure he knew just how proud of him you were.

“I wish I had your confidence.”

He patted your back. “But, you also love your privacy. That’s okay, you know? You also do a much better job holding it down than I do when it comes to this type of thing.”

You swallowed. “I’m not so sure about that. I know how to cope the best way I can, but I think it’s much more brave that you decided to open up to them about this.”

“Hey, don’t be hard on yourself about this,” he said, a hand on your shoulder. “Besides, I’m only doing okay right now cause I’m seeing the doc so often.”

“You saying I need to see someone about this?”

He shook his head. “No. You helped me realize that, for me, going to see her was what I needed. I hope in some way I can help you realize that you should do whatever is best for you. We’re all different people with different experiences, right?”

“Right. Thanks, Ted.”

You sighed. Leaning into his side for a moment, then broke away, clapping once.

“Okay, now let’s go win this.”

The game was lost, but everyone moved past it. You knew most of that was because of Ted and his affection for the goldfish attitude, though he tried like anything to convince you they wouldn’t be feeling so okay if it wasn’t for the little morale boost you’d given everyone before it all started.

He’d also inadvertently managed to convince you to see Dr. Fieldstone.

You knocked on her door, and she looked up from her seat to see you staring at her with a smile from the doorway.

“Come on in, coach,” she said, gesturing at the chair in front of her.

You nodded, looking around the room as you sat. You noted the little bird next to you, tapping it just enough to get it going.

“I like your decorations,” you said with a smile, then looked back at her. “Also, please call me Y/N. I hardly let the boys get away with calling me coach outside of games.”

She smiled. “I see.”

“So, uh, it’s good to finally talk with you. I know we’ve seen one another in passing a few times, but I’ve been exceptionally busy lately or else I would have come and given a proper hello. I really appreciate all of the work you’ve been doing with the team. You seem like a very kind, compassionate woman. I’m happy to have you here, honestly.”

She just watched as you talked, a light grin on her face as you did, though most of the humor rested in her eyes.

You paused for just a moment, though when she didn’t speak up, you took it as an invitation to keep going.

“Uh, so, I’m not really sure how this goes. I’ve only been to see a therapist once before and it didn’t go great. Though, I promise I won’t hold it against you. I’ve just learned how to cope on my own after that experience, but Ted kind of convinced me to try to find what would work best for me moving forward, and I thought—”

“I see why you two are so close,” she chuckled. “I feel as though I know you already.”

Your brows raised. “Really? How so?”

“Well, between how talkative you’ve become now that you’re nervous, and the fact that I’ve heard quite a lot about you in general, I’d say I have an idea of who you are.”

You let out a quick laugh. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I get kind of chatterbox-y when I talk to someone new.”

“Or when you get nervous, yeah?”

You nodded slowly, looking down for a moment. “Yeah. That, too. Guess it kinda goes hand-in-hand with some of my anxiety business, huh?”

She shrugged, though gave you a look that implied she’d agreed with your statement. You smirked, as did she.

“You said you’ve seen a therapist once before?”

You nodded. “Yes, but it didn’t seem to help. They hardly listened to me, and then told me that maybe exercising and breathing exercises would help. Gave me that advice four sessions in a row without really ever caring to know why I was dealing with panic and anxiety and everything else.”

She raised a brow. “I’m sorry you had to experience that. Now, I know you might not be able to trust me—”

“Oh, no. I totally trust you, Doc. I’ve seen how great you’ve been with the team, and I learned from a good friend a long time ago that everyone has a different story. You don’t deserve to be compared like that.”

Her brows really shot up with that being said. She nodded slowly, writing something down as she did.

“Well, thank you for that. That was kind of you to say.”

You smiled at her. “I appreciate you. Really.”

“This need to reassure the people around you, do you think that might have anything to do with what you’re struggling with?”

Your eyes widened, almost shocked at the statement. You understood now how she’d made so much progress with Ted. You continued talking about what you needed to, but the session was coming to a close quickly.

“Uh, one more thing, doc?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Thanks for what you said about me to Ted.”

She quirked a brow. “And what was that?”

“You told him I was good for him.”

“You are,” she said, nodding. “I think the both of you need to be reminded that you don’t always have to turn on the personality for someone to love you. I think you do that well. Both of you.”

You chuckled. “You… Are one wise woman, Dr. Sharon.”

She laughed. “I am pretty great at my job.”

“Well, thank you again,” you said, starting to walk towards the door.

“Y/N,” she called out, and you turned. “Try to remember that the whole world isn’t on your shoulders, yeah? You believe everyone deserves to know love and comfort, but you are one of those people, too.”

You nodded, taking in a deep breath, then said your goodbyes. You pulled out your phone as you left her office. Being the last appointment for the day, you knew most people had already gone home, but you felt like getting some food. You dialed Ted’s number and waited expectantly, heading towards the door.

He answered, but didn’t speak.

You furrowed your brow, exiting the building.

“Ted?” You asked, waiting for a reply.

His voice came through, shaky and nervous-sounding. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Whoa, hold on, what’s up with you?”

“I— I’m kind of…” he trailed off, taking in a hard breath.

“Are you at home?”

You started walking more quickly, heading towards his flat.

“Yeah.”

“I’m coming to you, okay?”

You heard a sniffle on the other end, and a weak ‘okay’ in response. You hung up, and practically ran the rest of the way there. He buzzed you in, and you were up the stairs, bursting into his apartment in no time. He was sitting on his couch in his undershirt and khakis, clearly having been in the middle of undressing when he got hit with whatever ailed him.

You rushed over to the couch, standing next to him. He looked up at you, still crying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked softly, reaching over to touch his arm.

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Can I hug you?”

He nodded quickly, standing up and clinging to you like a child. You held him, hands rubbing up and down his back as he cried, head shaking every so often, disagreeing with the thoughts in his own head.

“I can’t even…” he trailed, mumbling against your shoulder.

“What is it, hun?” You asked, still trying to calm him as much as possible.

“Am I a shitty dad? I don’t—”

“No, no. Of course you aren’t.”

“I can’t even pick up my son from a sleepover. He had a nightmare and wanted to go home and I couldn’t be there for him,” he turned his head, cheek against your shoulder now.

You reached up to run your nails through his hair. “You’re like the best dad I could think of. Even thousands of miles apart, you spend more time talking to your kid than I ever got with my dad in the same house. He knows you love him.”

“I quit on his mom. I’m not supposed to be a quitter.”

“You didn’t quit. You didn’t forfeit. Game time was up, the match was over. Nothing you could do at that point, Ted.”

He sniffled, then nodded. “You really think so?”

“You were both fighting so long for something that only hurt the both of you. It was coming to an end naturally. You just finally had the strength to let it end, even though it was hard.”

He nodded again, and fell silent for a few minutes, still holding on to you for dear life.

“Ted?” You asked.

He hummed in question.

“Can I get you some water? I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

“Yeah,” he said, then let you go, sitting back on the couch.

You filled up a glass from the tap, handing it to him and kneeling in front of him. He drank some, then handed the glass back to you to set down on the coffee table.

“Good, thank you for drinking some,” you smiled.

He laughed humorlessly. “I’m a child.”

“You just need to be cared for a little bit right now. I know stuff like this is all new to you still, I don’t think being comforted and coddled a little is gonna hurt all that much.”

He smirked. “I guess not. Thank you. For coming here.”

You stood, going to sit next to him.

“It’s nothing. You’d do the same for me. Heck, you kind of have already, you just didn’t have to witness the crying part.”

He chuckled. “That’s… Embarrassing. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not embarrassing at all,” you said, then leaned back into the cushions. “You feel like food?”

“I don’t know if going out right now—”

“I was going to order in. Thought we could watch tv or a movie or something and hang out for a while.”

He looked to you with a soft smile, nodding.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The next day, you woke up feeling better than you had in a while. You felt well rested, and even went to pick up coffee for everyone despite it not being a film-watching day. You made your way to the office, though you found it much more somber than you were expecting.

“Whoa,” you started as everyone watched you walk in with the tray of drinks. “Who died?”

Apparently that was a poorly timed question.

You showed up at the funeral, heading right to Rebecca for a hug.

“Hi, love,” you said, squeezing her a little tighter than normal. “You okay?”

She nodded. “I’m alright.”

You pulled back, giving her a smile. “For what it’s worth, you look hot.”

She laughed, “Charming as always, my friend.”

“It’s what I do best.”

You heard the squeal of Keeley before you saw her.

“You look gorgeous!” She said as she hugged you.

“Babe, it’s a funeral.”

“Still look hot,” she said with a grin before moving on to Rebecca.

You gave a quick hello to Roy.

“She’s… Weird about funerals.”

You nodded. “Right. Well, I’ll be back. Ted was supposed to be here before me and isn’t picking up his phone now.”

Roy furrowed his brow. “Really? I’m shocked you didn’t come together.”

You tilted your head. “Why would we?”

“You realize how fuckin’ obvious you are?”

Your face dropped. “Nothing’s happening, Roy.”

He grunted with a shake of his head, and you headed off away from people to try giving Ted another call.

Still no answer.

When it hit his answering machine, you decided to leave it and send a text instead.

- hey, are you okay? i’m at the funeral now. if you show up, i’ll be in the back row waiting for you. if not, i’m coming to you as soon as we’re out of here

You shoved your phone back into your purse, making sure to leave it on vibrate in case he called back. Getting through the day was already hard, and you knew your anxiety was likely going to be more of a when-than-if kind of situation. It only built with the fact that Ted wasn’t getting back to you. You felt like everything was dragging on forever, and it wasn’t until Rebecca was struggling to find the right words in her eulogy that he came in. He sat next to you, squeezing your knee lightly to reassure you as he did, and you gave him a soft smile. Something was off, but even then he had the ability to comfort Rebecca all the way from the back row, continuing to sing the song she’d begun. And, of course, everyone else couldn’t help but join in.

You walked with him to the repast, and took that as an opportunity to ask him about what was going on.

“Ted?”

“Yeah?”

You fell quiet for a moment, unsure of where to start. He started for you.

“If you’re wondering, it was anxiety again. I’m sorry I didn’t respond…”

“Did you at least reach out to Dr. Sharon?”

“Yes.”

You smiled at him. “Okay, I’m glad. Proud of you.”

He smirked, then looked around the neighborhood for a moment.

“Uh, we talked about my dad.”

Your eyes widened. He’d hardly ever talked to you about what happened because he could never get through without crying.

“Wow. Are you okay? I know that’s always really hard for you…”

“She helped me see the good in him again, you know? I was always so angry with him for leaving us, but he did more than leave us. He was…” He trailed off with a shaky breath. You reached over, taking his hand, and he held onto yours firmly. “He was a great dad. She helped me remember that.”

“I’m happy you could talk to her about it, Ted. Seriously.”

He nodded, one hand going up to wipe at his eyes. “I guess it just hit me thinking about today…”

“I know. I’ve been pretty on edge today, too.”

“Are you okay?” He rushed out, looking at you.

You nodded with a smile, “Much better now that I know you are.”

He squeezed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. You tried to stave off the sick feeling in your stomach telling you to run the other way. You wished you could just enjoy a nice moment with him, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty somehow. He was too good for most people, and you considered yourself one of the ones he was too good for. You let it happen for a few seconds longer before you pulled away, pretending like you needed to check your phone in your purse.

“Get a message?” He asked after a moment.

“Uh, I thought I felt it vibrate. Guess not,” you chuckled a little.

He nodded quietly, shoving hands back in his coat pockets. You walked silently side by side until you reached the house, walking inside and beginning to mingle with some of the other guests there. You felt anxiety building, but tried putting it off. You couldn’t tell why it was getting worse and worse, but it was. Your pulse kept speeding no matter how easy you tried taking it.

But, you knew it was about to get way worse when you were suddenly being pulled away from Ted by Beard as a woman approached him. He watched after you with eyes wide for a moment before he turned to her, and you furrowed your brow at Beard when he deposited you in a different room.

“The hell was that about?” You snapped.

Immediately, you knew you needed to get away. It was hard enough feeling anxious, but the last thing you wanted was for your feelings to manifest as anger. But, manifest they did.

“You said you didn’t feel anything for him like that,” he said, testing you.

You scoffed. “Now is not the time, Beard. Who was that, anyways?”

“Remember the name, ‘Sassy’?”

Your stomach dropped, and you could swear the air had just gotten thinner.

“Seriously?”

He shrugged, a little smug. You let out a hard breath, beginning to walk away.

“You said—”

You whipped around. “Cut the shit, Beard. It’s none of your business.”

Eyes fell on you, and the barely contained attack was coming into swing. You started walking towards the back door and into the fresh air, hoping you could contain it all until you could get out of there and go home.

The door opened only a moment later, and you turned to find Beard staring at you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped like that, I just—”

“You have feelings for him. I know you do.” He shrugged, coming to stand next to you. “What I don’t know is what’s wrong besides that.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking.”

You looked down to see your hands shaking hard as you grasped your arms.

“I—,” you felt tears prick your eyes, and looked away. “I can’t fucking tell him. I’ve known him for years, do you have any clue how shitty it’d be to drop something like that on him? Besides, clearly he’s having fun with…”

You stopped, unable to even say another person’s name.

“The doc told me I self-sabotage, but I don’t think this is that. Is it wrong to want him to be happy? I don’t think I’m the bad guy for that.”

“Nobody said you were.”

“Nobody needs to. I’m a fucking mess. I have no right being upset that he’s happy. I’m a piece of shit,” you whispered at the end, closing your eyes. “I— I need to get out of here. I gotta go, I’m sorry.”

You felt your chest heave, trying to get in air through the invisible smoke that surrounded your head. There was no escaping it, now.

Beard reached out for you, but you already started leaving. He called your name, but you couldn’t handle facing him.

“If anyone asks, please just say I got sick,” you said, back still turned to him.

He sighed, watching as you walked away, holding onto yourself as if you might crumble otherwise. He was worried you actually would, but knew you’d only get more pissed if he tried following you now.

You stumbled along the street, not really sure where you planned on ending up. The closest location was on Nelson Road, so that’s where you found yourself after it all, sinking onto the floor of the office and letting all hell break loose. It was bad enough with how you’d been feeling today, but coupling it all with how ridiculous you felt over being angry that someone else had his attention… That was the thing that nearly pushed you over the edge. Crying and shaking led to dry heaving, dry heaving led to darn near passing out, and that all led to sitting on the ground for who knows how long. You’d always been able to pull yourself out eventually, but you weren’t sure you’d be able to this time.

If people really believed that hope kills, you wished they never had to know what being completely hopeless felt like.

Pretending like you weren’t ever affected by the things that hurt you could only get you so far, and now you were feeling the hard edge of realization that being hit by the things that pained you all at once was so much worse than dealing with it little by little.

Now, a room full of people had seen you crack, too. They all saw through it. The jig was up in a small way that felt huge. Your cover-up act was all you had sometimes, and you couldn’t afford to lose it all because you couldn’t handle seeing Ted with another person, or deal with your emotions before they blew up in your face.

You sobbed, unsure of how you were still awake with how much air escaped you and how little you were taking in. You almost wished you would just pass out for a few hours. Just to escape for a moment.

You heard footsteps fall heavy and quickly down the ball, and it only worsened your panic. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you like this, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You were cemented to the ground, a crying, shaky mess.

“Oh, thank goodness,” you heard a voice that sounded far away, then felt a pair of arms scoop you up and hold you tightly against them. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

You couldn’t stop yourself this time, and just let yourself cry. Ted tried moving your hands away from your face, but you refused to budge.

“Sweetpea, I need to know you’re okay. Can you breathe with me?”

His voice was more clear now, and you heard a tone in it you almost never did.

“Please,” he whispered, and now you knew why he sounded different.

Tears fell against your bare legs, and they weren’t your own.

“Breathe with me, come on,” he coaxed, and you tried your hardest to obey his request.

Once your breathing calmed, you were able to move your hands, though you refused to look up. He pulled you into his lap from where he sat next to you, hands holding you tighter than they ever had before.

“You really scared me,” he said, quiet.

You took in another breath, face against his neck.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be here.”

“What?” He asked, hands gripping you a little tighter. “What do you mean?”

You shook your head. “I’m a mess. You’re supposed to be out having fun.”

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

“Why did you…” He huffed out a breath. “I ran to your apartment. Then all your favorite restaurants. I went down all the streets I thought you might have taken, and finally I ended up here. I didn’t know where else to look.”

“Why were you looking?”

“I asked Beard where you were and he said you got sick. You were already not doing so hot, and I knew that was a lie”

“You have better things to be doing right now, Ted.”

“Nothing is more important than being here right now. Nothing. Do you understand me?”

He was taking a harsher tone with you than you were used to. You took a chance and looked up at him to find him in disarray. His tie and jacket were discarded, and his hair was kind of a mess.

“Don’t ever do that again. Please. At least tell someone where you’re going.”

You nodded, taking in the deep worry lines in his face.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t apologize for that, I just— I was scared.”

You swallowed. “I’m— I’ll be fine. Why don’t you go see your lady friend now.”

He furrowed his brow. “What?”

“I know Beard pulled us away from you two for a reason, Ted. You deserve to be happy. Please don’t let me get in the way of that.”

He raised his brows. “You’re not in the way of anything.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No. You’re not,” he shook his head. “Do you want to know something?”

You sniffed. “What?”

He stroked your cheek with his thumb, then smiled. “She’s kinda pissed at me anyway.”

“Why?”

He took a moment to lean back against the wall, readjusting you in his lap and wrapping his arms around you so that you wouldn’t be able to scoot away. He chewed at his lip for a moment, then looked at you. You stared back, eyes wide, and mascara running all down your face. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

Hard as you tried not to, you laughed with him.

“What?”

“Your makeup ran harder than anyone on the team.”

You tried wiping away at it, but he grabbed your hand.

“Quit that.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “It’s kinda cute.”

“Me having a panic attack is cute?”

His eyes nearly bugged out of his head, but stopped when you laughed.

“I’m kidding. Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

He let out a breath. “Man, I haven’t been that scared since my mom looked in the shoebox under my bed when I was seventeen.”

You smiled, shaking your head. “You didn’t answer me.”

“What?”

“I asked why she was mad at you.”

He nodded slowly, chewing at his bottom lip.

“Uh, well, when I asked Beard where you were and he said you were sick, she was in the middle of trying to get me to go to her hotel room.”

You felt your stomach sink again, looking away in hopes he wouldn’t catch the shift in your demeanor.

He continued, “I told her I had something more important to do. She didn’t like that a whole lot.”

“You did?”

“Yep.”

You swallowed hard. “So, it is my fault.”

He huffed out a sigh. “Can you quit that? I turned down sex to come sit on the ground with you, and you know what? In any case I would always rather be here with you. Panic attack or not. You could literally just ask me to sit on the ground with you and I would always say yes.”

“Well, that’s just dumb.”

He pulled your head towards his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“You always see right through me like I’m a dang department store window. Now, of all times, is when you decide to just… Not get it.”

You played with the buttons of his dress shirt and quirked a brow.

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“You know, I thought you might get it all the times I asked you to come get dinner or coffee with me. Or maybe every time I come bother you and stick around way longer than I normally would with anyone else— and that’s saying something. I was really hoping you’d get it when we were holding hands on our walk today, but of course not.”

He laughed, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head before he pulled back to look at you. You watched him with wide eyes, questioning his intentions and hoping you weren’t somehow still misreading this.

“You gonna make me say it?” He asked with a smile.

“I’d prefer if you did.”

He laughed, shaking his head. He then looked up at the ceiling, trying to search for the right words to say. They must have come to him, because he looked back to you, and simply stared for a minute before he finally started talking.

“You’re one of the kindest people I know. Like, Mr. Rogers reincarnated. You always know how to cheer me up. You always know how to help me, and everyone else in your life, somehow. I think you’re incredible. I think you are so funny and so talented and crazy smart. I even think you’re stupidly gorgeous when you’ve got makeup running all over your cheeks,” he said with a laugh, then continued when he got reassurance from your smiling face. “I’ve been scared to get close to anyone since… Since the divorce. You made it so easy, though. I’ve known you forever, but now— I guess I just realized a few months ago that nobody’s ever been there for me like you. You never tell me I’m too much. You never expect me to be… I don’t know. You don’t ever expect me to be on all the time. I can just be me, good or bad, and you still treat me the same.”

You watched him with a rapidly beating heart. Though, this time, it wasn’t telling you to run. It wanted nothing more than for you to stay right where you were.

“That’s something the Doc told me. That we’re good for each other because of that,” you said quietly.

He nodded. “I know, and she’s right. She helped me realize I had feelings for you. Real feelings.”

You bit your lip, then grinned. “Are you gonna crack a joke any time soon? Because all of this serious from you is becoming a little scary.”

His face lit up, and he laughed. You smiled with him, leaning into him for a hug. He held you close, taking in several deep breaths and enjoying the moment, then kissed your cheek as he pulled back again.

“Uh, so… Is this just gonna be me confessing and you get to sit there and tell me to do a crap ton of Hail Mary’s?”

You smiled. “There’s my Ted.”

His brows raised. “Your Ted, huh?”

You laughed, wiggling out of his grip. He let you, and you stood up, reaching for him. He stood with you, not letting go of your hands.

“You’re not going to let go of my hand to check a nonexistent message again, right?”

You smiled, looking down. “You caught that?”

“I can read you almost as well as you can read me. I knew something was up.”

You shook your head, walking into him and wrapping him in a hug again.

“I see things are a little better now,” Beard said, leaning against the doorframe of the office.

You let go of Ted, turning towards Beard.

“Hey. I’m sorry about—”

He held up a hand. “Don’t be. I was kind of being an ass anyways.”

You gave him a tight lipped smile, nodding a little.

“You two figure out… All that business?” He asked, pointing between the two of you.

Ted smiled, “Yeah, we did.”

“Good.”

He waved and left with that, the two of you alone once more.

Ted grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Let’s go home and maybe… Clean up. We kind of look crazy,” he smiled.

“Can we head to mine first? I want to get out of this dress.”

“Why don’t we just go to mine?”

He raised his brows in question, and you couldn’t help but smile. Now at least you didn’t have to pretend you didn’t think he was adorable.

“I need clothes.”

He quirked a brow. “I think you’d look awfully cute in my clothes.”

You laughed, “Okay, fair enough.”

“Ready to go home, then, sweetpea?”

“Of course.”

[kiyomitakada]

What if Light secretly started a “Light Yagami is Kira” meme on campus to make the idea seem ridiculous? He’s the top student, so he’s well-known enough for the meme to be funny (at least among To-oh students) but nobody would actually suspect him because they don’t have access to the information that made L suspect him in the first place. Light pretends he only recently became aware of the joke and starts publicly “admitting” to being Kira. He signs autographs and takes requests. The deaths don’t actually happen, of course, but he makes a show of killing them with invisible mind lasers and proclaiming, “Kira has made his judgment” or something like that. People on campus who get requested make T-shirts bragging about being “killed” by “Kira.” When the Second Kira’s message is broadcast, a couple students make a parody video where Kira reveals that he is dating Hideki Ryuga (conflating the student and the pop star is also a campus meme.) Light declares that he will “destroy all impostors,” claiming that both videos are fake (and he’s actually kind of genuinely uncomfortable with people calling Ryuga his boyfriend, but he decides not to say anything about it— everyone knows people are just jealous of the fact that they’re both the top students.) When Misa shows up on campus, people go crazy. “Hideki Ryuga, Kira, and Misa Amane all know each other?????” The meme becomes even funnier because “Hideki Ryuga” is just Ryuga the student and “Kira” is just Yagami but that is the actual Misa Amane with them. Anyway idk where I’m going with this but I think L’s reaction to the whole thing would be so funny

i immediately thought of like 10 reasons light would never do this but i want to live in the universe where he did so

Kiyomi: Hey, Yagami-kun. Light: Oh, Takada. Sorry, let me just finish this. [autographs a guy's arm] [the guy leaves, whooping] What was it? Kiyomi: Well… it's actually about what you were just doing. Light: Huh? Kiyomi: Isn't it dangerous, proclaiming that you're Kira? There was the announcement on TV that 1500 agents were sent here to hunt him down… Light: (I didn't think she'd fall for that. Wasn't it obvious that was a ploy by L? Wow, women are stupid.) It's just a joke. I mean, the real Kira would never announce himself like this. But I appreciate that you're worried about me. Kiyomi: It's just… I didn't think you of all people would be joking about Kira… [lowers voice] I've told you what I think he should be doing, right? Light: Yeah. You want him to threaten world leaders into compliance so he can implement policies alongside passing judgments. Kiyomi: Clearly he's capable of passing messages through television, even if it turned out to be the second Kira instead of the first. He should utilize that. I don't know why he isn't. Light: Haha yeah Kiyomi: I just — there's so much potential here, he could reshape entire governments, and people are MAKING VIDEOS OF HIM WITH SOME POP STAR — Light: It's actually not the pop star, I wish it was — Kiyomi: AND THERE ARE PEOPLE BRAGGING ABOUT BEING KILLED BY KIRA AS THOUGH THE PEOPLE BEING KILLED BY KIRA AREN'T ALL REMORSELESS MURDERERS WHO DESERVED IT — oh, was it not the pop star? I didn't watch it. Light: No, it's, uh. Our classmate, Hideki Ryuga. Kiyomi: The barefoot one? Light: Yeah. Kiyomi: Light: Kiyomi: Light: I mean, they have the same hairstyle. Kiyomi: Yagami-kun, why are people so stupid? Light: I wish I knew. Look, Takada… (I can't let her feelings for me die because of this. She's too useful to lose — she's mostly intelligent, and she's the only person outside the investigation who I can express Kira-supporting sentiments to.) I don't like the meme either. I promise. But it's just easier to go with the flow sometimes, right? Kiyomi: …I suppose. Persuasion is difficult at the best of times. Light: Yeah. I don't want to kill their fun. Kiyomi: Did they also gift you the shirt you're wearing right now, which says, I AM KIRA, SINNERS SHALL DIE? Light: Yep L, slouching towards them: Oh hello, Light-kun. I see you are in a confessional mood. Light: OH FUCK OFF i mean hi ryuga

[ghiblinsm]

cannon list

first movie:

Wade doesn't actually know anything that really happened to you in the workshop, just bits and pieces that were hinted by Francis.

“You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life.”

you love your dad, really you do. but you will always have a bit of resentment for what he signed you up for.

"It doesn't get better, and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself,"

during the months you were being injected fluids in your blood, Austin had kept asking his mom to call Wade and see what happened.

“Yo, this is Wade. I’m either out doing mercenary stuff, getting into trouble, or just avoiding your call. Leave a message. Beep”

Anytime Wade sees you with clothes that show your arms and legs, he always thinks about how the scars on your skin were caused by him. (not s.h scars but thunder like scars caused by other types of torture)

“Who knew that bringing my daughter to a workshop full of dangerous crap would be a bad idea? Genius move, Wade. Just chalk it up to another day of being a fantastic father.”

He's never brought it up but sometimes he notices you looking in the mirror a little longer then usual then sees you later in a new outfit of pants or leggings and a long sleeve or cardigan.

"I can't stand to look at my scars, every time I look at them, I'm reminded at what happened. How he failed to protect me and i don't want to hold that against him..."

More often then you two both like to admit, you both make a bunch of self-deprecating jokes about being a bad father/daughter.

Wade: "You know, sweetheart, I always thought I'd be a great dad… but I guess I took 'daddy issues' to a whole new level, huh? Can I put that on my résumé?"

You: "At least you made the list. I didn’t even make it onto the ‘good daughter’ list. I’m just the bonus kid with the emotional baggage. You’d think I’d be on sale by now."

second movie:

When you first met Russell you could only think about how scary it must've been for him to be surrounded by people trying to say they knew how he felt.

"You’re a mess, Russell. But I took responsibility for your actions, and I can’t just leave you."

when you were put in the ice box prison you kind of gave up, just like you father. except since you saw how much Russell was trying you decided to at least help him not get beat up.

"I’ve spent my whole life trying to do what’s best for everyone else. I forgot to take care of myself."

during the whole ordeal your heart and mind were in-between resentment and pity for your dad. he was acting like the world stopped when vanessa was shot when it didn't. you still feel bad for feeling this way.

"The only way to get through the day is to keep pushing forward, even if it feels like you’re dragging the weight of the world."

a secret you didn't even tell your dad was that when most of the x force died you giggled and sent a video to Austin.

"I'm sorry for your loss...*later* Austin i need to laugh so fricking badly but i can't because i'm with colossus. what do i do?"

Wade's a little disappointed in himself for this one but, when you all were in the ice box prison and he saw you trying to keep Russell out of shit, he thought he could leave Russell in your hands and stay out of everything, despite more prisoners getting violent.

"I want to be the person who helps people. I want to be the person who can make a difference. But I don’t know how."

Third movie

the day Wade tried to join the avengers you were chilling with Austin who was on the phone with Peter and somehow interviews came up in discussion and you heard Peter ask Austin how common alliterative names were because Happy was talking about a disrespectful guy that came in for an interview and had a 'dumb' name.

"I’m just a guy who loves a good time. Who cares about the rest?"

when nicepool led y'all to his honda, you were thinking back to peter's situation with two other spiderman and when wolverine and your dad were in the car you couldn't help but ask nicepool how his y/n was.

"You can’t change the past. You can only learn from it and hope that you don’t repeat the same mistakes."

you were friends with laura for a short while at the age of 11 and when you two met again in the void you both immediately did y'all's handshake out of instinct.

“Life is short! So we should spend it having fun and making memories!”

couldn't really think of more stuff for the third movie that would involve spoiling stuff I have planned so it was cut short.

hope y'all liked it!

"Well everyone loves me" by Rizzy105 on wattpad

[nikolaiismysugardaddy]

Sorry for calling you late - I needed to hear your voice // Tetchou Suehiro

pairings... Tetchou Suehiro x Reader

contains...! fluff! fem!reader

I apologize for any mistakes in advance - english is not my first language!

Hope you enjoy! xx

“Finally!” You jumped in the hotel bed with your work clothes on, but it did not bother you, not for a single second. The softness of the sheets enveloped you, instantly melting away your exhaustion. Your 8 hour flight was delayed for your field work - which means you spent the whole day at the airport. All you could think of was sleeping, but you still had an appointment to attend before that. As you closed your eyes, the thought of resting almost took over your mind. However, the impending appointment reminded you that after this one task, you can completely surrender to your much-needed rest without remorse.

A loud sigh escaped your mouth as you sat up and searched for your notebook. You had to make an interview with one of the local action force members, Tetchou Suehiro. You did some research about him, but it was of no use. The only thing you found is that he’s working with the Hunting Dogs, and nothing else. Not a photo, not a video interview – absolutely nothing. They kept everything undercover about their workers, but this did not stop you from uncovering the truth during the interview. After all, they accepted it, and as a journalist, it was your duty to dig deeper and ask the tough questions. As you prepared for the interview a little more, time flew by until it was time for you to head to the meeting point. 

“Tetchou-san, you’ll have a meeting this evening.” Jouno said with a mischievous grin playing in the corner of his mouth. He already knew Tetchou would not accept the request easily, and the thought of persuading him with dirty tricks made his heart flutter in joy. 

“Huh? But I was in charge of the XXX district with you.” Tetchou raised an eyebrow, sensing something off about the situation he couldn’t describe. Jouno stopped walking and placed his white gloved hand on Tetchou’s shoulder. “Stop whining and do what you have to.” Jouno’s voice was confident as he gripped his partner's shoulder hard. 

“But what is this meeting about? And why do I have to attend it without you?” He made the most confused face he could. Tetchou’s mind raced with questions, desperately seeking answers. His confusion deepened as he tried to make sense of the situation. Jouno smirked when he sensed his partner’s desperate hesitation.

“It’s an interview with a so-called journalist from overseas, and you know I can’t reveal my identity in front of someone like that.'' With that, he released his grip and continued walking, leaving Tetchou standing there, perplexed about the situation. To be honest, no one wanted to do this interview with an unknown journalist, but they wanted to keep it a secret in front of Tetchou. 

“Is this an order from the boss?” 

“It is.” Jouno's face carried a hint of annoyance as he turned back to face Tetchou. “So stop bargaining and do it.” Jouno sighed, his voice filled with a mix of frustration and concern. 

The café your colleague recommended wasn’t that crowded, so you could choose from various seats. For the sake of the interview, the best option seemed to be the one small table in the corner. It provided a sense of privacy and allowed for a more intimate conversation. Also, the dim lighting added to the cozy atmosphere; you thought it would make it easier for your interviewee to open up. The faint aroma of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the air, creating a relaxed and inviting setting for the upcoming conversation. 

A tall man dressed in all red entered the café, and you instantly recognized the uniform.* You waved in his direction with your notebook in hand. As he approached, you couldn’t help but notice the confident stride in his steps, hinting at his experience in the field you were about to discuss. When he reached the table, he politely shook your hand. 

“Tetchou Suehiro. I’m going to represent the Hunting Dogs for your interview.” You couldn’t help but stare at him. His presence commanded attention with his sharp features and strong physique. His hazel eyes, with a tint of gold in them, made you weak to the core. Small leaves were tattooed under his left eye; it made you curious what they could mean. As you slowly gathered your thoughts together, you realized you forgot to let go of his hands. “Ah, sorry. Please, have a seat.” you offered with blushing cheeks. 

He gave you a warm smile and gracefully made himself comfortable in his seat. 

The interview went smoothly, even though your thoughts were filled with the strong impression he left on you. You couldn’t help but feel the need to know what he’s like outside of work. 

Tetchou took a deep breath before he entered the café. He felt a little anxious ever since Jouno told him to come here. Before he left the office, his partner told him not to give any personal information about themselves to the journalist. It made him feel more uncomfortable; he’s not a man of words, after all. When his thoughts finally silenced for a moment, with one deliberate move, he stepped inside. 

Tetchou looked around, searching with his eyes for an old lady, probably in a secretary outfit; at least that was the image in his mind of the journalist. It took him by surprise when he noticed someone from the corner waving in his direction with a nice, leather-covered notebook. When he finally got closer, he couldn’t believe his own eyes. The girl in front of him was young, probably around his mid-twenties, and had the most beautiful and warm smile he’d ever seen. When you exchanged greetings, he noticed you held his hand a little longer than needed, but it only made his heart beat faster. Your hand looked so small and fragile inside his own that it made him want to embrace your whole body. 

Tetchou was captivated by your intelligence and wit when you went on with the questions towards him and his work. 

“Well, I think we’re done.” You slammed your notebook shut when you finished writing his last answer. “I’m gonna publish the article in five days. Let me give you my business card if you'd like to add something more to it.” You lent him a small, black card with your name, email, and phone number on it. Tetchou’s heart sank as he realized this was truly the end of your time together. He was so deep in thought that it took him a few minutes to take the paper out of your hand. It felt like his skin was on fire as your fingers touched once again. “Thank you, Tetchou.” Your voice was soft and soothing, but your eyes were somehow sad. Tetchou felt a sense of disappointment as he realized that your interaction was really coming to an end. The brief moment they shared left a lasting impression on him, and he found himself longing for more time with you.

“Take care on your way home.” As he watched you pack away your belongings, he couldn’t help but wonder if this would truly be the last time he would hear from you.

Four days went by, and finally, it was the last day of your stay. With a heavy heart, you’ve already started packing your suitcase. You were thinking about Tetchou a lot these past few days, but maybe it was just your imagination that made you think he liked you. Nevertheless, you had to go home, miles away from him, so it wouldn’t work anyway. As you zipped up your suitcase, you heard your phone ringing from the other room. 

“Good evening, Y/N from Silent Whispers Press speaking.” You picked it up with your professional tone. 

“Sorry for calling you late - I needed to hear your voice.” A low, husky voice answered. 

“Tetchou?” When you heard the familiar voice, you couldn’t believe your ears. He called you.Your heart skipped a beat as you realized it was him, Tetchou, the person you had been daydreaming about. 

“I wanted to call sooner, but… I didn’t realize until now that your number was on your card.” He sounded slightly nervous but determined. You started laughing at his sweet confession and reassured him that it was worth the wait. After that, the conversation flowed effortlessly; you chatted about anything and everything for hours. You felt relieved that he reached out to you, but a sudden thought washed away all your excitement in a minute.

“I’m going to fly home tomorrow.” You said with a voice filled with regret. The phone remained silent for moments before he answered. “Then…” His voice was hesitant, so you took the chance and made an impulsive request. “You should visit me. Now, in the hotel. “ You almost couldn’t hear your own voice from the sound of your heartbeat. The anticipation of his response made your palms sweaty as you anxiously awaited his answer. After another painfully long silence you heard him exhale softly. “Tell me the address.”

*for any of you wondering how she recognized the uniform: there were videos online of Fukuchi dressed in the Hunting Dogs uniform. So that’s why she was aware of it. 

The cute dividers are from @cafekitsune ♡

Thank you for your patience guys! I'm working on the event requests, I promise ♡

[xo-myloves]

hii! can i request Nick Menza (if you write for him) and if not then Dave Mustaine and reader just getting together before a tour and he takes her with? the rest of the Band all pine after her "as a joke" (but not really) and it gets him quite upset.

So she tries her best to reassure him and all and they have their first time together n stuff? I totally didn't get this idea from the megadeth vault videos on youtube and that one part where Dave teases Nick about his girlfriend lol

Thank u so much & take care of yourself <3

I don’t know much about nick im so sorry!! So I will do Dave just so it’s easier for me to write, but I’ll look more into him for the next time, im doing a bunch of writing right now so I hope Dave is okay!

(I am doing my fav era of Dave tho…)

༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞

Dave and I got together right before “countdown to extinction” tour, I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend, he took such good care of me, he couldn’t be any better, he treated me with love and care.

There is one thing though…

They band wasn’t found of me, they loved making fun of me, they were dicks, let me be serious, they always made fun of me, and fucking Dave thought it would be a great idea to bring me on tour, which I wasn’t mad but wasn’t the biggest fan of this little idea..

✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢

“Alright, break time fuckers,” Dave announced, his piercing blue eyes locking with yours for a second longer than necessary. That was all it took to set the others off.

“Oh, don’t mind us, Davey,” Marty teased, sliding his guitar strap off and flashing a mischievous grin. “We’ll give you two some privacy. Or should we just all watch?”

Nick snickered, though there was a knowing edge to it. “Didn’t think you were the sharing type, Mustaine. But hey, if you’re feeling generous…”

Your face heated up as you laughed nervously, brushing it off like they were joking. But the truth was, you felt Dave’s tension rising. He wasn’t the type to let others take cheap shots without firing back, and this was no different. His jaw clenched as he crossed his arms, glaring at Nick, who was grinning like he’d won a prize.

“Knock it off,” Dave snapped. “You guys have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, sure,” Nick drawled, leaning back on his stool. “Just saying, if you get tired of her, I’ll take real good care of her for you.”

Dave’s hand curled into a fist, and you could see the storm brewing behind his eyes. You stepped in quickly, placing a hand on his arm. “Hey, it’s fine,” you said softly, trying to soothe him. “They’re just dicks.”

Dave huffed, clearly unimpressed. “They don’t know when to quit.”

✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢✢

Later that night, as the bus rolled down the highway, you found Dave sitting in the back lounge, a bottle of whiskey at his side and a scowl still lingering on his face. He glanced up when you entered, his features softening just slightly.

“Can’t let it go, huh?” you asked, sitting beside him.

“They’re pricks,” he muttered, taking a swig from the bottle. “But it’s not them I’m pissed at. It’s me. I brought you here, and now they’re acting like vultures. You deserve better than that.”

You placed a hand on his cheek, tilting his face toward you. “Dave, I don’t care what they say. I’m here for you. Not Nick, not Marty, not anyone else. Just you.”

His eyes searched yours, and for once, the sharp-edged rock star facade melted away. “I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted quietly.

“You won’t,” you promised, leaning in until your lips brushed his. The kiss was slow and sweet at first, but it quickly deepened, all the tension and insecurity from the day dissolving in the heat between you.

This made Dave’s muscles relax and his body going into mine. His head going to your shoulder, him letting out a sigh, his hand finding your thigh, and the other letting go on the jack, and bringing it to your face, his lips meeting yours, getting lost in the kiss.

His lips tasting like whiskey and mint, I loved it, he is such a sweetheart.

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Dramatic Ending Ch. 25 His Side Story

Dramatic Ending Ch. 25

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

It was all well and good to declare a grand "end" and say "goodbye," but even I couldn't control dreams.

Azel: Suppose I’m still alive and dreaming somewhere.

Azel: Maybe our dreams are mixed together, and that’s why we were able to meet like this.

Azel: Assuming that’s the case, what would you do if you found me next time?

Emma: Of course, I’d demand compensation.

Azel: …Huh?

Emma: It’s a natural claim since you made me cry so much.

Emma: It would make paying off the remaining debt a lot easier.

Azel: What if that debt was gone?

Emma: I’d be happy to have it paid off, but I don’t think that will happen.

Azel: Why?

Emma: Because you’re good at making me go into debt, Prince Azel.

Emma: I feel like I’ll get another invoice.

Azel: …

Azel: Would you dutifully pay off a new debt too?

Emma: Of course.

Azel: Even if it’s a scam?

Emma: …I’d gladly accept it.

Emma: Because…

Emma: If I were to go into debt again, I think it would be Prince Azel's way of saying “stay with me.”

Azel: ............

Azel: That’s not true.

Emma: Even if it’s not… I still want to be with you from now on.

Emma: There’s no other reason for me to pay off a scam-like debt.

-

(Yes… because you said so.)

(This was an unavoidable accident.)

(I never intended to call you back to Tanzanite.)

(But if… if you came here on your own, then it can’t be helped.)

(You respected my wish until the end.)

(Shouldn’t I return the favor?)

-

Emma: Well then… Let's eat!

Azel: No, wait, that’s absurd!

I had been waiting for the right moment to jump out in front of Emma, but I never expected her to start eating the offering to God right in front of me, so I ended up jumping out.

I mercilessly snatched the skewer that was about to disappear.

Azel: Is it customary to eat offerings in Rhodolite?

Emma: Of course not, but I was about to tearfully eat it to lure out the Prince Azel who can't be honest.

Azel: Who "can't be honest"? I'm a ghost now, so I can't just appear before you easily.

Emma: So, Mr. Ghost can eat offerings?

Azel: I can. Didn't you know that?

(…Damn it.)

I was aware that I was sulking like a child, so I couldn't stand Emma laughing at me.

Emma: There are a lot of inconsistencies.

Azel: …Shut up.

Azel: I can't believe you actually came.

Emma: After all that appealing for me to come, I couldn't not come.

Azel: Who made such an appeal?

Emma: Prince Azel did.

Azel: I don't recall doing that.

Emma: I even brought all the letters.

Azel: I don't know what you're talking about.

Emma: …I thought you'd say that, so I won't mention it any further…

Azel: …

Emma: I do think you could have told me from the beginning…

(If I had told you, you would have insisted on staying by my side.)

(There are various restrictions on a dead god.)

(…What if I accidentally fell in love with you?)

Azel: Could I really say “actually, I’m not going to die” in that sorrowful atmosphere? Of course not.

Azel: Besides… I didn’t intend to see you either.

Emma: But you called for me?

Azel: I didn’t call for you, it was unavoidable.

Azel: …You said you wanted to be with me, didn’t you?

Emma tilted her head in confusion.

It seemed she didn’t remember the contents of the dream.

(………… You’ve forgotten that embarrassing display? That’s good. That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.)

Azel: You heard my wish. So, I have to hear your wish too for it to be a fair trade.

Azel: This is my pride as a creditor, and it certainly doesn’t mean I wanted to see you.

(Yes, never…)

(I didn’t want to see you.)

Our eyes met, and before I knew it, our lips were touching.

(...Ah.)

(No, that's wrong...)

I came to my senses and tried to pull away, but Emma opened her mouth as if to accept me.

At that moment, all excuses flew out the window, and instead of the offering, I devoured her.

Once our tongues intertwined, it was strangely difficult to stop, and eventually, sweet moans escaped.

Azel: Could you put up some resistance? I won't be able to stop.

Emma: That's… impossible. I don't dislike it…

Azel: ……

As our breaths mingled, I felt a ticklish sensation from being stared at so intently.

It was a sweet, passionate gaze… like a weapon that could shatter reason.

(The truth is… I definitely wanted to see you.)

(Since you left, meals have been unsatisfying, and nights have been lonely…)

(Do you have any idea how much I've suffered?)

I pushed her onto the nearby bed and continued to kiss her relentlessly.

Whether it was due to the accumulated emotions or something else, I didn't feel like I could stop.

(…It’s your fault too for not resisting.)

Kisses alone gradually became insufficient, and I reached for the buttons of her blouse.

As I loosened her clothes, her hand reached behind my neck.

Emma: Is this okay?

Emma: …I’m expensive, you know?

(…That’s right.)

(Your worth is immeasurable. I don’t know how many invoices you would have to write…)

Azel: In that case, allow me to tell your fortune once again.

Azel: This time, not with the Standard Plan, but with the Professional Plan.

(You can charge me as much as you want.)

(If that means I can get back to my everyday life with you.)

....

––The curtain of night fell, and the divine moon ascended into the sky.

(But, what should I do?)

(This makes it seem like I'm the one who's fallen for Emma…)

(Wanting her to stay by my side and loving her are different.)

(…They should be different…)

(………… Please be different…)

I sat on the bed, at a loss for what to pray for anymore, when I sensed an unsettling presence creeping up behind me.

Azel: …What is it?

(Did I wake her up?)

Emma: I was trying to surprise you… That’s a shame.

Azel: ………… Sigh.

(…………… Why are you so cute in everything you do?)

Emma: Why are you so sulky?

Azel: I’m not sulky.

Emma: Yes, you are.

Azel: …

My face felt somewhat hot, and I averted my gaze, only to be embraced from behind.

(I think I messed up. What am I supposed to say in this situation?)

As I kept my mouth shut, she poked my cheek.

Even that small gesture made my chest tighten.

Azel: …I just don’t understand.

Azel: I don’t like you or anything…

Emma: If you tell me we’re “not lovers” after this, I’ll cry.

Azel: .......

Emma: Are we not?

Azel: ………… We’re not… Maybe…

(I have to admit that much, at least since I embraced her…)

(I have no choice but to admit it…)

Emma: In that case, there’s something I want you to say.

Azel: No.

Emma: I think you already know what I want you to say…

Azel: I don’t.

Emma: .......

The poking and poking became more intense.

I knew what Emma, with her mischievous grin, wanted me to say, but it was a cursed phrase I didn’t want to utter.

(Even if it’s your wish, I won’t grant you that.)

Azel: I’ll never say it, not even if my mouth is torn apart.

Azel: That I love you, or anything–

Emma: …Ah!

(…Damn it… I slipped up…)

Azel: Ah, no, that was…

Emma: That was?

Azel: …

Azel: ............

When I glanced at Emma’s face, it was shining with expectation.

Naturally, the only word that came to mind was "cute."

If I denied it here, she would definitely be disappointed.

(Oh, damn it…)

Azel: It’s not true, but it’s not untrue either, damn it.

(This is no good… I’m completely under your spell.)

(…I don’t think I’ll ever break free, what are you going to do about it?)

.

.

.

Dramatic Ending Epilogue

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[sol-consort]

Do you think in reverse, any of the alien races also tried those tips on befriending humans? Aliens bragging online how they totally rizzedd up a human with ridiculous advice, humans are just like "lol silly little guys" and humor it happily.

Are we bringing the "loser high elf with a human obsession" trend in here from my other blog? Because I am fully down to making a loser friendgroup of aliens who are creeps towards humans as much as they are endlessly curious.

And yes, oh definitely yes they are bragging online about tottally rizzing up this new shiny species who stumbled their way into the stars.

A turian posting on his twitter about how he's been assigned with a human in C-SEC, how he has been studying a lot of human rituals by watching Hollywood movies and reading mammal herd behaviours, not realising humans are categorised as predetors.

It's a long thread of him describing his "successful" attempts and encounters with the human.

He followed the human to lunch and made sure to eat next to them since the extranet articles talked about the importance of eating together in human culture.

Except the human was a messy eater and the turian's food ended up getting contaminated, resulting in the turian having a coughing fit, throwing up, passing out and waking up in the emergency care.

-

A salarian saw this thread and left a very long comment mansplaining human behaviour and how the turian was absolutely wrong and an idiot. The two of them argued back and forth in the comments during the turian's stay in the hospital.

Resulting in the salarian claiming he could befriend a human much faster and easier than the turian's pathetic attempt. Leading the turian to daring him to post it.

So he read any books he could find about human evolution and history. Confident that he could apply them on the next human tour group coming to Sur'kesh.

Human primitives loved climbing trees, correct? And Sur'kesh has lots of trees! Their closest relatives are in apes huh? The salarian knows just what to do with this information.

Imagine with me, you're a human tourist in an alien planet, following the polite salarian guide in the front and taking pictures of the lovely view. You're having a wonderful time.

Then out of nowhere, comes another salarian who stops in front of the whole tour group. The tour guide seems confused and you wonder if this was preplanned or not.

This random salarian begins speaking to the entire group very slowly as he states the fact that there are a lot of trees around here. Asking if anyone would like to join him in climbing one as a mutual show of trust and friendship.

You raise your camera as you watch this salarian who's worked in a bio lab all his life, struggling to climb one tree and very slowly making progress. When he reaches the top, he is reminded of the fact oh, heights and gravity exist, this is so much more terrifying than he thought it would be.

Now he's stuck on the tree, and the salarian tour guide is dialing up security to both come and get him down but also kick him out before he causes a human diplomatic incident.

The salarian's terrified at the top like a scared kitten. You climbed a lot of trees as a kid, and this one isn't even that tall, so you climb up there and offer to carry the salarian down, which he enthusiastically accepts.

Everyone is taking pictures and smiling, the tour guide is relieved that an incident was avoided.

Then the salarian in your arms, reaches into his pocket says he has just the thing to thank you with, kind human.

He takes out. A banana. Offering it to you.

The pictures and videos of him doing that end up on the galactic news the next day, you get word that the human ambassador Udina wants use this incident to demand compensation and sanctions on the salarians offensive gesture to a human tourist. The salarian government is very apologetic and panicking, ready to throw credits at the problem to solve it.

But you post a video on your social media laughing it off and saying it's fine. Putting an end to the incident before it escalates.

-

An asari sits in her office as she looks over the latest galactic news, the salarian's pathetic attempt at befriending a human that resulted in a diplomatic incident.

She sips on her coffee, a human delicacy, as she finally decides where she wants to spend her once-a-year break.

Booking the nearest ticket to Earth, she thinks, befriending humans cannot be that hard, right?

She has seen many humans in Thessia. She even talked to one once when they asked her for directions! Sure, she never really befriended any before, but they can't be that different from all the other species. After all, an asari can get anyone wrapped around their finger if she tries hard enough.

Landing on Earth, she realises just why it was called the blue planet. The sky is very blue, almost aggressively so and the sun here hurts to look at, unlike the gentle one in Thessia.

There are so many humans around, not a sign of a single alien in sight. All of them walking with a purpose, some taking their animals to a stroll and oh wow that dog is bigger than any varren she has ever seen, how did that human tame it?

Some give her a pacing glance, and others are indifferent to her. She keeps trying to strike up a conversation but everyone just declines and say they're busy or in a hurry.

Strange, the humans on the citadel are much more friendly. An asari could walk up to a group and demand their attention just like that, why are the ones here so different?

Eventually she spots an older woman, ah yes a human Matriarch! Just perfect. She goes to the elder woman sitting on a bench while feeding the pigeons.

The woman smiles, wrinkles in her face from a life full of happiness, greeting the blue lady. The two of them sit together and have a talk, the old woman is very patient and understanding with the asari as she explains that this is just how humans are, how the ones on the citadel are a very select view who are enthusiastic about aliens.

The asair is stunned to learn that this woman is merely 78 years old, yet she holds so much wisdom and charm. They spend the entire day talking and watch the sunset together.

By the end, the old woman apologises for having to leave, saying her grandkids are visiting tonight and she must go back home. But she will be here tomorrow if the asair wants to continue the chat.

Day after day, week after week. The asair keeps meeting up with her snd talking, about nothing and everything, life and its meaning, the sky and its colours, love and its sisters.

The asari asks if the old woman has her spouse in her life still, the old woman smiles, full of melancholy as she shakes her head no.

Reading on human mating rituals, the asari starts bringing the old woman flowers, red in colour and varied in shapes. A box of sweets that the old woman kindly declines because of her blood sugar, yet the asari doesn't give up and comes the next day with a box of dark chocolate.

By the end of the month, the asari brings her final gift to the old woman. A small red box that fits perfectly into her balm. The old woman has to put her glasses back on as the asari opens the box to be able to see what's inside.

Getting on one knee, the asari opens the box to present a shiny ring inside, she asks cautiously if she'd like to come back with her to Thessia to live the rest of their lives together.

The old woman smiles, the asari grew found of her smiles, so gentle and warm. Reaching with her shakey hands, she takes the box and admires the beautiful ring inside. She chuckles with delight at the flattering implication as she puts the ring back in the box and hands it to the asari.

Patting her head, the 78 human woman tells the 600 asari woman to go find a young girl her age to marry. How she basically sees her as a granddaughter.

The asari comes back home with a newfound hatred for Earth, attempting to cope with having her heartbroken by a single human who hasn't passed their first century yet.

[hand-written-dreams]

CRIMSON SHADE

Chapter 31

A little girl's dream

A scar I can't reverse

When the more it heals,

the worse it hurts.

- ( the song of the chapter is 'Dynastry' by Mila.)

Trigger warning: 18+ SA

She has always been a straight-A student, never once called to the principal's office. But as she stands in her father's study, his dark eyes measuring her, scrutinizing every inch, she would have gladly traded this moment for a hundred visits to the principal's office.

Yet, a small, almost forgotten part of her-the little girl who once craved his attention-feels greedy for it now. She doesn't even remember the last time he actually looked at her.

But the sensible part of her knows-her father's attention always comes with a price.

For a moment, no one moves. No sound, no shift-just her, her father, and....

Mr.Jha. Nothing but the low hum of the air conditioning fills the silence in the room.

All of them are locked in a tense stillness. Her father's conversation with Mr.Jha cuts off the moment she steps inside. Their faces reveal nothing, yet the weight of their attention presses down on her.

"Sit," her father says, his voice carrying none of its usual authority, replaced by a cold, measured edge. An icy chill runs down her spine.

She's here for an interrogation.

Straightening her back, she perches herself on the chair farthest from either of them, putting the space between them like a shield she knows won't hold.

"What did you do, Khushi?" His question slices through the silence. Straight at the point.

"I don't understand," she acts confused. Though all of it isn't a complete act, she doesn't really know what he's talking about.

"It would be much easier for both of us if you admit it now. My life is hard as it is. You wouldn't want to make it harder."

Her mind races. She has done so many things, things her father would never approve of, but which one does he know about?

"What are you talking about?" she says carefully, swallowing down the sharp retort that bubbles in her throat.

His gaze sharpens, and the corner of his mouth twists in a humourless smirk. He rises up from his chair and looms over her with his hands braced against the table.

"I was very pleased with you, with your behaviour, your cooperation," he says, his tone bitter. "I even thought of gifting you the hard copy of the video I kept as leverage. But now...lo and behold..it's gone. The video is gone. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Her blood runs cold, but she maintains her well-practised mask.

"Baba, how would I know? Nobody knows where you kept it, but you," she says calmly, her voice betraying the tension coiling in her chest.

He lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head. "Don't play innocent. For the last two years, you've been after it, haven't you? Trying to erase it...from my phone and laptop. Did you think I wouldn't notice?" He leans forward, his eyes narrowing. "Don't think I'm a fool. I have made my security expert look into my phone. They said it was hacked. I don't need to be an expert to know it was you. "

"But I gotta say you are really good... they couldn't trace you down. That's why I know you have something to do with the device that had the video in it. It's a clean work. No trace, no evidence...just puffff... vanish in thin air."

Her father starts pacing, frustrated, and agitated. Then, with a swift motion, he turns toward her, both hands gripping the arms of her chair, caging her. She plasters her back against the chair, summoning every ounce of strength to look as unafraid as possible. Because inside she is scared shitless.

"And why have you withdrawn all your money, huh? Are you planning to go somewhere?" He adds without taking his eyes off her. "Or are you planning to pay someone?"

Her eyes narrow.

If you think you can intimidate me Sashidhar Sen Gupta, then you are wrong, she mutters in her head.

"No," Her voice is hard as steel. "I just wanted to buy something nice for myself."

He scoffs. "You've been collecting money for years and now you think of buying something nice for yourself? Tell me the truth, Khushi. How did you get the video deleted?"

"Can't a girl who is being married in a few days can't buy anything nice for herself?" She asks, trying to sound nonchalant. "Why can't it be as simple as that?"

"Don't test my patience." His eyes twitch. "Tell me the truth."

"I'll tell you the truth if you're ready to believe it," she snaps, bitterness spilling over her tone. She won't go down without a fight. "You're hellbent on blaming me no matter what I say."

"Tell. Me. The. Truth. Who helped you?"

Anger surges in her, hot and unyielding. He wants the truth, she'll give him the truth.

Honest, undeniable truth.

"I made a deal with the devil," she spits, her voice laced with years of frustration, neglect, and pain. "And in exchange, I slept with him."

"Khushi!" Her father's hand rises, but it stops midair. She stares at it, her eyes brimming with hurt and betrayal, even as she forces back the tears that threaten to spill.

"Tell me the truth," he demands again, his voice trembling with fury.

"I already told you," she says coldly.

"You are talking nonsense. This is absurd," he mutters, disbelief in his voice. "What is this? Your way of rebellion?"

"Why is it so absurd?" she challenges. "Is it the idea of me sleeping with someone else, or is it that you're so completely in the dark?"

He smirks, leaning in closer, his words dripping with disdain. "Silly girl. You're not that kind of person, Khushi. I raised you better than this. I taught you to be a rule-abiding good girl. Those kinds of girls don't talk about sleeping with other people-especially not in front of their fathers."

He leans in, pressing her further into the chair, his words thick with authority. "You wouldn't dare to sleep with anyone. That's why you're spinning these stories-to provoke me. That's why this is absurd. I thought you were smarter than this."

"When have you ever raised me?" Her voice rises, sharp and cutting. "Have you even looked at me in the past 22 years? You don't know what kind of girl I am. I've slept with multiple people behind your back, and you didn't even know."

"Don't make me angrier than I already am."

"Then stop forcing me to admit to something I didn't do. I told you before, and I'm telling you now, I don't know where the video went. Don't pin your failure on me."

His face darkens as he straightens. "I've given you too much freedom. Now it's time to put a stop to it." His voice is cold and final.

"I'm under your watch 24/7, your minion watching me like a hawk." she retorts. "Where's this so-called freedom you've given me?"

"Enough!" he thunders. "Your marriage to Mr. Jha will happen in three days. Prepare yourself. I can't let you walk this earth as a single woman with that kind of defiance."

Then, almost as an afterthought, he adds, "And there will be a doctor this afternoon to check you."

Her body goes rigid. "What did you say?" she hisses, her voice low and venomous. Anger boils over, full and unrelenting. "I dare you. Bring anyone to check me, and I'll put a bullet in that doctor's head, or anyone else who dares come near me....oh, actually that's a very good idea. Then you'll have another video of me to replace the lost one."

Her father's jaw tightens, the vein in his forehead pulsing as his cold gaze pins her in place.

"Your wings have spread too far. It's time to clip them," he says, his voice eerily calm now. "I've protected you until now, tried to do it honourably. But no more. You've forced my hand"

"You are as intolerable as the people you are associated with. I'll take my revenge on all of them, including you," he continues.

Her brow furrows, he sounds unhinged.

What the fuck is he talking about?

"I want you bound to the serpent until your last breath. You'll never be free," he murmurs, almost to himself. "I'll leave no stone unturned to make it happen."

Now her father is talking nonsense.

Her father's cold gaze flickers to Mr.Jha, "The wedding is in three days. You have my blessings. I don't want to give them any reason to not give consent to this marriage. They have to agree if she's already taken."

Her mind blanks for a moment, before the words sink in. But her disbelief cloaks the words as she refuses to put any weight on them.

Her father turns and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. His footsteps echo in her ears.

And now she's alone with Mr.Jha.

His eyes bore into her, gleaming with something dark and unsettling.

"You heard him," his voice is almost mocking. "I've waited for this moment for so long."

Her chest tightens, her nails digging into her palms as his smirk deepens.

"Khushi," he raises from his chair, taking a slow step towards her. "You don't have to be so distant, you know. We're going to be married soon."

She can feel her face morphing into a scowl as she rises from the chair as well. "I'm tired, Mr.Jha. It's been a long day. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Shyam," he corrects, stepping closer. His movements are slow and deliberate.

Her stomach twists, the unease clawing at her insides. She turns to leave, but his hand shoots out, catching her wrist. The grip is firm, too firm. Instinctively, she twists her wrist to break free, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Don't go," he says, his voice deceptively gentle, his thumb brushing against her pulse. "Why can't we talk now."

Her voice comes out strained, as she eyes the door. "I don't think now is the right time."

"There's no better time than now," he murmurs, his other hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair away from her face.

She flinches at the touch. Her skin crawls, every fibre of her being screaming to recoil, but she forces herself still, her mind racing for an exit.

"Goodnight, Mr. Jha," her voice is firmer this time. She yanks her wrist free, stepping back, but he closes the distance again. Panic claws at her throat.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Khushi," he says, amused. "I'll never hurt you."

His hand slides along her waist, trailing lower.

She freezes.

For a fraction of a second.

Then rage surges through her veins, shattering her control. Her palm cracks across his face, the slap echoing in the room. Her own hand stings from the impact.

"Don't touch me!" she hisses, her voice trembling with fury.

His face twists into a mask of rage and his hand shoots out...this time to her throat.

"You bitch,'' he spits, fingers tightening, cutting off her breath.

Her heart pounds against her ribcage, each frantic beat drowning her in terror, as bile rises into her throat, choking her from the inside.

So many times, Arnav has held her by the neck, but.... never like this. Never with cold, suffocating dread crawling under her skin. Never with such a desperate, primal fear seeping into her bones.

Mr.Jha leans in, his sour breath hot against her face. She braces herself as his hand slides lower along her body, circling around her waist, trying to restrain her completely. Her muscles coil like a spring.

When he tries to kiss her, she twists her head away. With a swift, calculated move, she jabs her elbow into his ribs and pivots to escape his grasp, smashing the nearby lamp into his face.

But he anticipates her strike. He deflects her arm but can not deflect the lamp. It crashes against his temple.

Stunned, he retaliates instantly.

With a hard slap.

The force sends her reeling, her head whips to the side. The sting spreads across her cheek, but her mind races ahead, refusing to let her falter.

He lunges, grabbing at the fabric of her shirt in a violent attempt to tear it. Her eyes burn with fury as she counters with a sharp knee to his gut. The force knocks the wind out of him, and he crumples to the floor with a strangled groan.

Gasping for breath, she turns to flee, but he's not done. His hand latches onto her ankle, yanking her down.

She crashes onto the cold floor, pain shooting up her arm, but she doesn't stop.

He scrambles on top of her, his weight pressing down, trying to pin her.

Desperation fuels her next move, she raises her knee, aiming directly for his crotch.

And hits hard.

The guttural scream that tears from his throat is the most satisfying sound she's ever heard. He rolls off her, clutching himself in agony.

She stands up with wobbling legs, chest heaving and bolts for the door. Her teeth dig into her lips as she locks the pain away for later. Her hands fumble with the handle. Surprisingly the door isn't locked from the inside.

With a twist, it clicks open.

She doesn't look back. Not even when Mr.Jha's curses follow her, venomous and empty in the wake of her escape.

She doesn't stop, she runs straight to her room and slams the door, pressing her back against the wood.

I can't be here anymore. Baba....Baba lets Mr.Jha to... me to.....

A sob racks through her as she grabs her phone and car keys. Bruised and battered, she walks out of the house on bare feet. Her body begs for relief, her skin screaming for air, while her mind begs for freedom.

She doesn't give in. She lets her skin turn blue, lets her feet bleed as the gravel bites into the soles of her feet, sharp and unrelenting, but she keeps moving. She bolts straight to the garage.

Her hands tremble as she starts the car, pushing the accelerator down hard. Her jaw clenches, trapping every sound, every cry threatening to break free. But the tears don't ask for permission. They flood her vision, spill over, burning the cuts on her cheeks.

She runs her car at full speed, nearly tearing through the main gate.

And then without another word, without another glance and without another care, she picks up all of her dignity and shattered pieces of her heart and speeds into the night.

The moonlight stretches before her, trees blurring on either side as she drives, drives and drives.

She has nowhere to go.

She has no one to run to.

No one who would understand.

Each suppressed sob cracks something deeper inside her. Her body arches. So does her head and her heart. Everything hurts.

Every single muscle starts to ache.

Every single bone starts to pain.

Every single joint starts to hurt.

But she doesn't know which one hurts more.

Her body or her heart.

She can't even be angry at Mr.Jha when...her own father. The words won't even form properly in her mind.

Her phone won't stop ringing.

She doesn't fear of it being tracked, because it can't be. She's built too many firewalls, too many layers of security. But none of it stops the sound from piercing through the silence, relentless and grating.

The car cuts through the darkened streets of Delhi, headlights slicing through the suffocating night. Her grip on the wheel is so tight her knuckles have turned white. The inside feels too small, too stifling, so she rolls down the window. The rush of wind is like a scream against her skin. Raw, unrelenting.

She doesn't know where she's going.

She has nowhere to go.

She has no one to run to.

No one who would understand.

No friends. No one who cares.

No place to hide when the world turns against her.

A hotel is an option, but with torn clothes and bruised skin, the police might get involved and that can't happen. She can't risk it. She can't go anywhere in public. Not even a hospital.

Her father will know in an instant.

It takes her a few minutes to realize where she's heading.

His house.

Her subconscious has steered her car toward it, toward him. Why? It's the last place she should go.

Especially like this.

Battered, bruised and broken.

She's a few meters away now, her grip tightening around the wheel. Every instinct screams at her to turn around, to disappear into the night. But she keeps driving.

Why can't she stop?

The roses in his garden flash in her mind, their delicate petals unfurling like the whispered memories of that night. The tale of the Erythraean rose he shared with her lingers, playing on a loop in her thoughts.

"...even the purest soul, when forged in a storm, can become indestructible..."

Would he tell her the story again, if she asked? Should she even ask for it?

The house comes into view. She slams the brakes hard, the tyres screeching as she swerves the car, steering it sharply in the opposite direction.

"You can't think about him," she whispers to herself, her voice shaking. "You don't have the luxury of that."

But it's too late. His face is already there, uninvited, in the forefront of her mind.

She has fought so hard to deny the pull that tethered her to him like gravity. But in moments like this, when the world felt like it was collapsing around her, reaching for the one person who has always been her undoing.

But isn't he part of the same darkness that suffocated her?

Tears blur her vision, and she blinks them away furiously. Don't cry. Crying won't help. But the lump in her throat refuses to dissolve, and the more she tries to swallow it, the harder it becomes to breathe.

The city begins to blur around her, the neon lights bleeding together like the chaos in her mind. She pulls over abruptly, the tyres screeching as the car comes to a halt on an empty stretch of road. Her hands tremble as she kills the engine, the sudden silence pressing down on her like a weight.

For a moment, she just sits there, staring at the steering wheel.

Rage. Despair. Heartbreak, sharp and all-consuming, threatening to swallow her whole. The more she brushes the tears away, the more follow.

She buries her face in her hands, the tears spilling over. But she holds on to it. Not letting go.

She grits her teeth, cursing part of her that still, against all reason, wants to run to the one person who has the ability to break her completely. That part of her wants to run to him and let him fix her, to replace the arms that she has to wrap around herself with his.

She takes a deep breath, a futile effort to subside the tears. But the efforts only leave her hollow and exhausted. She leans back against the seat, staring up at the roof of the car. The silence feels heavier now, but she welcomes it.

Staring at the bruises blooming across her skin like remnants of a war she never agreed to fight, she finally understands what the worst kind of betrayal looks like.

An yearning slides through her skin.

She eyes the phone sitting on the passenger seat, dark and lifeless. She picks it up, her thumb hovering over the screen.

She has no one who she can call.

She has nowhere to go.

She has no one to run to.

No one who would understand.

Her fingers move on their own, trembling as they dial a number she doesn't consciously remember. The phone rings once....

He doesn't speak right away. He just listens. She can hear his breathing, heavy and steady, filling the silence.

"Khushi?"

His voice cuts through the chaos in her mind like a blade..deep, commanding, and unmistakable.

Her breath hitches, but she doesn't respond. Her fingers grip the phone so tightly that the edges bites into her skin. Tears streak down her face, hot and unrelenting. She brushes them away with the back of her hand, but they keep falling, traitorous and uncontrollable. A small, broken sound escapes her throat, one she didn't mean to let out.

She hears movement, the faint rustle of fabric, the rapid clack of keys. He's already in motion.

"Talk to me," comes his voice, sharp and breathy, like he's running. The rawness in his tone finally cracks the dam she's been desperately holding up.

"I don't know where I am," she whispers, her voice cracked and uneven, betraying her.

She can hear the screech of tires, the blare of horns, the pulse of traffic, and his heavy breathing, each sound blending together, blurring the edges of her mind. But amidst it all, his presence is the only thing anchoring her, the only thing tethering her to reality.

In that moment, it hits her.

How foolish she has been—a wanderer chasing the horizon, drifting like a leaf caught in the wind, fleeing from the very shadow where her refuge lies. And that shadow, that solace, that unshaken constant is..

Him.

"AA..rnav?"

Her voice breaks as his name slips from her lips, fragile and hesitant.

What is she doing?

Can she demand things like this?

Does she have a right?

"I am here."

But his response comes fast.

Her heart skips a beat, and she presses her forehead against the steering wheel. Her body feels like it's crumbling under its own weight, pain radiating in sharp pulses. She can't even lift a finger.

But a craving blossoms in her chest.

"Come quickly," she chokes out eventually, the admission feels like a fracture splitting her apart.

She hates how small her voice sounds. The words taste like shame on her tongue. She loathes the neediness in her voice, the way it clings to the silence between them.

"I'm on my way." His tone shifts immediately, sharper, like steel unsheathed. "Stay with me."

Her eyes shift to the phone in her hand, her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

She’s made her phone untraceable, layered it with firewalls so thick even the best would struggle. But he’s not just anyone. She knows with a certainty that unnerves her...that he can break through.

Just as easily as he’s breaking the ice around her heart.

Just as easily as he’s slipping through the cracks of her armor—layer by layer.

A part of her to hang up, to throw the phone out the window and sever this fragile connection. A part of her wants to run and vanish before he finds her. But another part, a part she despises with every fibre of her being, wants him to come. And in the fight between the two, the latter is winning.

"I'm inside my car," she murmurs, almost to herself, as though saying it aloud might ground her.

"Good. Lock the doors. Don't come out until I get there."

There he is.

The bossy devil.

She closes her eyes, her tears dampening the leather of the steering wheel as the pain intensifies. The ache in her body is unbearable, but it's nothing compared to the hollow, gnawing ache in her chest.

She has been running away from him all this time, but now that he is coming, rushing towards her, the moments seem to stretch endlessly.

She starts counting his breaths.

One.

Two.

Three.

Then, a screech of tires nearby.

Her door rips open.

The force rattles the whole car.

But she cares less about that as his wild eyes meet hers. And in that moment, she just lets go.

Because...

She has no one to run to.

No one who would understand.

Except him

Her arms move on their own, wrapping around his neck as she releases everything. Every ounce of pain, fear, and heartbreak, into the crook of his neck.

For the first time in years, she lets herself cry, truly cry, in a way she never has before. Ugly, wracking sobs shake her entire body.

She cries for her mother, who has been trapped just like her.

She cries for herself, for the girl who dreamed of freedom but was born into chains.

She cries for the girl she used to be, the girl who shattered after today. She cries for the lost hopes she has been clinging to, for the lost dreams of maybes that have turned to dust.

And he just holds her.

His hand slips beneath her knees and he lifts her from the car seat as if she weighs nothing at all. Cradling her against him, he carries her to his car without a word and settles into the backseat with her in his arms.

He doesn't ask any questions. And for that, she's relieved. She simply doesn't have the words.

With his hands running along her back, steady, grounding and his lips pressing into the crown of her head, he drapes his jacket over her trembling body, enveloping her in a cocoon of his scent.

And he just holds her.

Beneath her feet, the little girl who once clung to the hope of being loved by her father crumbles. The silly little girl screams, kicks, thrashes-refusing to fade without a fight. But she presses down on the echoes of that child's defiance, seals her remnants in a bottle, and swallows the last of her innocence.

And then, finally, she lets the little girl go, setting the bottle afloat in the sea of her unspoken resolve.

She doesn't watch it drift away, some things are not meant to be mourned.

Still a sob rips from her throat, then another. And another. Until they crash into each other, raw and unrestrained, echoing through the silence of the car, mingling with the familiar timbre of his voice as he keeps shushing her-soft, steady, relentless.

She curls in on herself, fists gripping the fabric of his shirt as if holding on to something, anything, to keep from unraveling completely. But the dam has already broken, and with every hush he breathes against her hair, the flood only rages stronger.

And he just holds her, tight enough as if to press all her broken pieces back together.

Author's note:

I won't say this time that I'll see you soon. Because I won't. 😭

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@featheredclover @arshifiesta @phuljari @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @chutkiandchotte @9artsdragon @bigfatreader

[petitelepus]

Could I get Genya reaction to horror and scary games he been introduced to? Like poppy playtime, FNAF, FNAF security breach, and A quiet place game? The way he was introduced to the games was because fem reader accidentally screamed too loud and startled him lol (I did this once playing VR and scared my dad, I thought I let out a silent scream lol-)

Summary: You enjoy horror games and Genya kinda ends up dragged into your passion.

Warnings: Cursing, Horror Game Spoilers

A/N: Isekai, Reverse Isekai, Female Reader, Genya Shinazugawa

When Genya came into your world, he was clueless pretty much about everything. Your world was different from his, but you did your best to teach him and aid him in getting used to the changes.

Weird enough, even though he told you he was from Japan, he could understand you, and you understood him. He could even read Western text instead of just Japanese, which made teaching him way easier.

You gave him your old yet working phone and your old laptop, taught him how to use them, and then he was free to browse and search answers to his questions through the internet.

Of course, he preferred your company over the computer but he was rather shy, stuttering around you with his face red as cherry. Thankfully, he got used to you enough to seek your aid.

So, it had been a month since Genya appeared before you and you two started to live together. You had given your spare room to him and he had made himself comfortable there.

He was on his computer doing some research when you knocked on his door before taking a peek inside his room.

"Genya, I'll be playing some video games so I might not hear you if you say anything," You warned him and the young man nodded, "Alright, I'll be here."

"Great!" You smiled as you left, closing the door behind you.

Genya smiled as he thought how kind and sweet you had been to him and he started to wonder what kind of games you would be playing.

He turned back to the computer and proceeded to continue his research-!

"HYAAA!"

That was your voice! Had something happened to you? Were there Demons? Genya jumped up so quickly that his chair fell on the floor and he rushed out of his room.

He saw you on the living room floor, panting as you caught your breath, and he rushed to you.

"O- Oi, are okay!? What happened!?" He asked, but then he saw this weird device over your eyes and headphones covering your ears.

You yelped when you felt him touch your shoulder and you pulled your headphones down and removed the device from your eyes.

"G- Genya?" You blinked, "What, did something happen?"

"You screamed!" He snapped and you blushed, "Ah, I'm sorry! I thought that was a quiet scream!"

"Why were you screaming in the first place!?" Genya frowned and you chuckled a little as you felt awkward, "Ah, I was playing this horror game with my VR glasses and got startled rather badly."

You nodded your head apologetically, "I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's okay, I'm just glad you're okay," He nodded as he looked at your glasses, "Why were you playing horror games in the first place?"

"Because they are fun?" You blinked as he frowned, "I don't get it? What's so nice about horror?"

"It's kinda like, well, feeling fear but safely?" You tried to explain it to him, "It's exciting?"

"Huh…" Genya nodded, "Can I try?"

"You want to try horror games?"

"I used to slay Demons. This shit you call horror won't scare me."

You blinked before grinning mischievously as you handed the VR glasses to him, "If you insist. Hold on, I'll just set the game from the start."

You let Genya start with something fairly easy with simple rules such as the first FNAF… He wasn't doing that well.

"What the fuck are these monsters and why I can't just kill them!?" He snapped as he looked around with the VR glasses over his eyes and you chuckled, "They are animatronics and you're a normal human, not a Slayer!"

"I don't fucking like them!"

"Tough luck," You chuckled and he snapped, "Why I can't close the door!?"

"Oh, you're dead," You said and he frowned, "Why the Hell would you say that-! AARGH!" Genya shouted as either Bonnie or Chica jumped at him and you chuckled, "They got you?"

"One more time!" The young man snapped, "I'm not losing for some ugly fucking monsters!"

This went on for a while and then you decided to try something else. Such as your ultimate favorite, "Poppy Playtime".

"This game is boring as Hell," Genya groaned as he walked around searching for clues and solving problems.

"Give it a chance," You chuckled as you watched him play, knowing what was coming next, "It's good, I promise."

"I doubt-! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" He cursed as Huggy Wuggy appeared and started to chase him.

"Why is there a Demon here and why can't I fucking kill it with my arms!?" Genya asked and you were holding your stomach as you tried your hardest not to laugh too hard.

"It's Huggy Wuggy!" You laughed and he frowned, "I'm not hugging that!"

"Run then!" You had to wipe your eyes, you were laughing so hard that you were actually crying a little.

This continued, Genya cursing louder when he died and then finally he managed to kill the blue giant toy that was after him. You noted that he was panting as he made his way to the room where Poppy was being held.

"I'm not opening that case," He stated and you chuckled, "You have to if you want to finish the game!"

"Am I supposed to do so?"

"Go and find out."

He did open the case and yelped when everything went black and Poppy talked before the credits started rolling.

"Why the fuck that creepy doll was talking and why I opened its case!? Was I not supposed to do so!?"

"No no, you played it perfectly!" You laughed and Genya pulled the VR glasses off.

"That was fucking awful!" He snapped, much to your amusement.

"Did you enjoy it though?" You asked and he frowned as he looked away.

"A little…" He admitted and you absolutely beamed in joy, "Great! There are two more Poppy Games and there is a fourth one coming soon!"

"I…" Genya grumbled, "I think I can give them a chance…"

"Great!" You cheered happily, "It's a pleasure watching you play and react to games!"

"I'm glad you enjoy hearing me curse the fuck out of these games…!"

"Oh, I am!" You grinned, "You're so responsive! It's so much fun, almost as fun as playing myself!"

"Weirdo…" Genya looked away from you but was secretly happy that you were having a good time. You smiled, "So, part 2 of Poppy Playtime?"

[nephriteknight]

Thoughts on Daggerheart!!

I'll admit I haven't really been following it until today, but after watching the videos released today I got very excited and ended up building a character and reading a lot of the book, as I am wont to do (might post about them later lol).

Now, full disclosure, I wouldn't say I'm all that familiar with the TTRPG space outside of D&D, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. That said, I've played D&D, Wanderhome, Alice is Missing, and the fan-made Hollow Knight TTRPG, and I've watched some AP of Kids on Bikes, Call of Cthulhu, Monsterhearts, and Candela Obscura, which is a longer list than I was expecting. Huh. Anyways, my thoughts!

I really like the duality dice! It's such an interesting way to do mixed success that incorporates story/character into mechanics, which is great.

Related to that, I also like Hope as a fluid resource, and I think that Fear is a nice way to both prompt GM action and to just create a fun sense of dread as the GM takes more tokens

The lack of turn order/action economy is... cool, and a really interesting idea, but my thoughts on this are complicated. As we're seeing in the oneshot right now, it really helps to keep combat as part of the story and give the players and GM room for creativity. (For example, Bunnie describing a counterstrike as part of her dodge, and being able to take it as soon as the GM's turn is over, as well as the tag team feature, which is very cool.) That said, I think this mechanic might not work so well with less experienced or less confident players, who might have trouble taking the initiative (heh) to act in combat (I know I certainly would if I wasn't playing with close friends). That's not really a criticism though -- this is a collaborative storytelling game, and part of playing it is making big moves and taking turns guiding the story. If that's not for you, then you might prefer a different system, which is fine! I think this mechanic has the potential to be really, really dope, but I also think it's the bit that has the most potential to go poorly in my eyes.

The art, design, and general aesthetic feel of this game are so unbelievably up my alley. I love it. That's all.

I'm excited to see that they're working on mechanics for playing disabled characters, but since they aren't out yet I can't really comment. (I did notice that the character in the bard art is in a wheelchair, which is dope.) Also, as others have noted, Daggerheart uses "heritage" and "ancestry" rather than "race", which is a small but good choice.

Personally, I also really like the choice to move away from precise measurements of distance and gold. This one is very much a personal preference, and I know some people will rightfully disagree, but I like it! As a DM, trying to determine the appropriate costs and rewards for things has always been a headache, and this seems much easier to manage; measuring distances with convenient and tangible measurements like the short side of a playing card or the length of a piece of paper also feels much easier to use.

The downtime mechanics are great! Each of the activities you can take prompts you to describe how you heal yourself or another, destress, repair armor, or prepare yourself for what's ahead, which really encourages quieter character moments both introspectively and with others. I'm a big fan of this. This combining of role play and mechanics is also present in other features, such as one of the major level 1 healing abilities, which is more effective if you spend the time it takes to cast learning something new about the person you're healing or sharing something about yourself.

I didn't look at this too closely because I was just making a character for fun and don't have a party to play with, but as part of character creation you're given questions about your relationships to your party members to answer. Wanderhome also has these, and they were MASSIVELY successful in creating depth and meaningful connections between players -- after our table's session zero I was already so invested in all our characters, and when we actually played them they really came to life. I haven't looked to closely at Daggerhearts version of this, but I'm very excited to see them.

The experience mechanic seems really fun and creative, and I especially like the idea of using a phrase rather than something specific. That said, when I played the Hollow Knight TTRPG, which also lets players create their own skills, the open endedness of it was more confusing than inspiring, and there was a lot of potential for a usefulness disparity between players. I do think Daggerheart explains it better, though, and limiting the use of experience with a Hope cost helps to counteract any choices that might be too broad, so hopefully it will work better

I probably have more thoughts, but it getting late and I have a headache, so that's all I'm saying for now :D

Overall, Daggerheart has combined a lot of things I've liked in other games with promising mechanics I haven't seen before, and I'm very excited to try it out. I'm now realizing that I just made a list of things I like without any negative feedback, which isn't what I wanted to do, but I'm not really sure what to criticize without having played it myself.

I'm most curious to see how the non-initiative mechanic works; it has the potential to be a really excellent solve for a major problem in D&D (plenty of people have talked about how initiative limits teamwork, can be boring when its not your turn, etc, so I won't get into it here), but I don't think it's a solution that will work for everyone. Of course, games can't work for everyone, and shouldn't try to. It's working really well on CR's oneshot as I write this, but making choices and sharing spotlight in TTRPGs is literally their job, so I'm not surprised this works for them. I could see this going really well with some tables I've played with, and really poorly with others. I'm still really optimistic, though; it seems like the kind of thing that with the right table could be really excellent.